Look It's Me

New Tests and Information

2011-02-16T19:35:00.004-07:00

I have put off making an entry for several weeks primarily because I haven’t felt well enough to sit and type. Also, there hasn’t been much good news and I thought I’d spare the reader from bad news.

There have been 3 major events in the meanwhile.

The first was the discovery of a blood clot on the liver. Additionally part of the liver has died. The Doctor has put me on blood thinners which I am required to take every morning. The medication is delivered via a shot which Kathy gives me every morning in the belly. She does an excellent job but every once in a while she hits the wrong spot. The shots leave a nice bruise pattern.

The second event was a review of the brain tumors. This is good news. I had 3 weeks of radiation in October. It takes a long time to recover from radiation. November and December were very difficult although it seems to have worked and killed off the tumors in the brain.

The last event happened today. This is bad news. Monday I had another full set of scans to measure how well the treatment program is going particularly in my chest and hip area. The lung tumors are pretty much the same as before treatment. However, the tumor in my pelvis has grown and a few more spots were found in the lumbar area. I’m hoping that this is the cause of the pain in my left leg. If so, perhaps we can do radiation on the area and relieve some the pressure on the leg nerves.

Over the new few weeks I will have additional scans and hopefully have more information. I have been feeling much better this last week and have little reason to complain or to not look forward to this spring and summer.

BMW Motorcycle Decision

2010-12-16T18:42:00.004-07:00

Santa is going to leave me the keys to another motorcycle this Christmas but he needs you help in deciding what to give me.

There are at least two issues to consider when making this decision:

One, I already have a 1800 Gold Wing. The Gold Wing is about as comfortable as it gets. You can ride in the rain and snow without feeling the rain. The seat is comfortable and there is ample room to stretch your legs for the long trip. Even though it is a touring bike, I enjoy riding it around town because I am easily seen by drivers and do not get blown around by the wind and freight trucks.

Two, the purpose of having a second bike in St George is 1) I don't have to drive the Gold Wind down there every time I want to ride in the sun, 2) I want a second bike so that I can go on short tours with friends such as my father-in-law Clayton, my son Kelly, neighbor Brent Harris, and 3) I want something to enjoy riding around town.

With that said here are the four candidates. Their cost difference is of no great concern to me so don't let that trip you up. Given what you know about me or yourself, leave a comment on what you think I should purchase. You should see a poll to the right of this blog in which to leave your answer.

1. 1200RT

For years, serious riders who want both performance and long-distance touring abilities have chosen the BMW RT. And the latest version, the R 1200 RT, is no different. The new RT boasts optional Electronic Suspension Adjustment, giving you push-button fine-tuning for a wide range of roads, loads and moods. Cavernous storage, supreme ergonomics and optional accoutrements like heated grips, heated seats, a premium sound system and cruise control make the R 1200 RT so comfy, so easy to ride, that when you get away, you'll feel like you're getting away with something. The R 1200 RT is a fully outfitted touring bike with royal ergonomics, on-the-fly adjustable suspension and a long list of comfort features, plus it's a downright exciting performance motorcycle. Its 110 horsepower low-center-of-gravity Boxer engine pulls smoothly and pops thrillingly, and its advanced chassis creates nimble handling usually reserved for short rides and sore shoulders. Ride as far as you want and get there with all the performance you crave with the R 1200 RT.

2. 1500LT

Peak performance and absolute amenities mile after mile after mile. Essentially, a Gold Wing on steroids with heated hand grips, heated seats, adjustable suspension, navigation system and advanced audio system.

3. 1200GS

Think off-road or riding to the North Pole and then back down the coast to South America. This bike can do it all, pavement, dirt and ruts. Of course, if you tip it over you may have a difficult time getting it back up. And besides who is really going to ride those trips? Probably not me, t but then it might be fun to be able to explore off pavement in Utah, Nevada, Arizona, and New Mexico.

R 1200 GS Adventure is not a motorcycle that suits everyone. For some it will just be physically oversized and awkward to live with. But for its size and weight fully tanked up it handles really well. If you want a 450 mile range for mammoth touring duties there is nothing else on the market. For me the biggest sales arguments would be the titanic fuel capacity and the rugged hard macho looks. Just a shame the test ended with destroying the indestructible…

4. R1200C

In the 1997 James Bond film Tomorrow Never Dies, Michelle Yeoh, in her role as Chinese spy Wai Lin, rode the R1200C in the scene where she and 007 run from Elliot Carver's henchmen, who are chasing them in a helicopter.

Few would expect BMW to compromise ride quality for styling purposes, and they certainly haven't done so with the 1200C. Comfort is excellent, even though our ride took place in 100 degree temperatures. A clever addition to both style and comfort is the passenger seat, which folds up to be used as a driver backrest that has a range of three different angles, and can be adjusted while you're riding. More Action Photos Ground clearance is far greater than the current crop of boulevard cruisers, allowing respectable lean angles when the road turns twisty.

Power is uninspiring however, as peak horsepower has been traded for low-end torque to fit the bike's cruising role. Smaller exhaust and intake valves, as well as an altered intake tract combine with an increased bore and stroke to provide a flat, torquey power spread.

This model was discontinued in 2004 which may make it difficult for on-going maintenance.

Long Distance Visitors and Party

2010-12-12T18:12:00.005-07:00

Last Saturday was a busy day for us. First we had our jet-setting friends the Bingham's and Granges fly in for lunch from Denver. Mark has a private jet and it was very generous of him to take the time to bring them all to come and visit with us.

We are very lucky to have great BFF's (now that is not BBF's). Our next get together will be in May at Grand Lake in Colorado at the Bingham's cabin.

Friday night my sister Robin flew in from the Ukraine. She started from Dolyna on Wednesday afternoon at 5:00. The first leg of the trip was 1.5 hours by bus, followed by a 12 hour train trip to Kiev. She left at 3:30 am the next morning for the airport to fly to Paris where she changed planes for a 11 hour flight to Los Angeles. From LA she flew to Salt Lake and arrived Friday evening at 9:30 pm.

Saturday evening we held a band party at Brent Browns. Among our guests were Danny and Lorna, Steve and Barbara. Danny had found out that day that he had passed the Engineer certification. Lorna has finished her first master's degree class with an 'A'.

Other guests included the Bryan boys; Parker, KC, Clayton, Aaron and mom Kari.

Our Christmas songs need more work but the rest of the songs were rocking.

Santa Fe

2010-12-08T19:36:00.008-07:00

Kathy and I recently returned from a quick trip to Santa Fe to visit our kids Kris, Ginna, Max and Sandy. Sandy is the nick name of our new grandson whose real name is Alexander.

They live on the east side of Santa Fe close to the mountains. On Monday, Kris drove us up the mountain to view the wildlife and landscape. It's a beautiful place and a good place to mountain bike.

At the top of the mountain is a ranger lookout. We brought our lunches but unfortunately some hoodlum had knocked out the glass in the station so it was too cold to eat in the tower.

Looking north towards Colorado.

Later in the evening Max and I enjoyed a sing along. His favorite song is "The Twelve Days of Christmas".

I promised that there would be pictures of Sandy and his mother Ginna.

It's been nearly seven years since Max was born but I think that he looked at lot like Sandy.

There's the proud papa and good Doctor.

My favorite restaurant was the Cowgirl. The specialty is the ice creme which looks like a baked potato but tastes a whole lot better.

Of course, my eyes are closed.

Max also takes Karate lessons.

Now that the day is over it's time for stories and bed. In the morning we return to Salt Lake.

No Chemotherapy

2010-12-08T19:00:00.003-07:00

Elizabeth Edwards passed away from breast cancer yesterday hours after deciding to forgo further therapy. Chemotherapy acts by killing cells that divide rapidly, one of the main properties of cancer cells. This means that it also harms cells that divide rapidly under normal circumstances: cells in the bone marrow, digestive tract and hair follicles.

Chemotherapy can keep the disease at bay for a long time. Most women with advanced breast cancers undergo five or six different lines of chemotherapy. Unfortunately, chemotherapy is dangerous with many nasty side effects. This is what many doctors and scientists have to say about chemotherapy:

"The majority of the cancer patients in this country die because of chemotherapy, which does not cure breast, colon or lung cancer. This has been documented for over a decade and nevertheless doctors still utilize chemotherapy to fight these tumors." (Allen Levin, MD, UCSF, "The Healing of Cancer", Marcus Books, 1990).

I am currently taking a targeted cancer drug called Tarceva. Tarceva is not a cure but has shown to significantly slow the growth of tumors with minimal side effects. The most notable exception is a skin rash. Oddly enough, those with the worse rash fair better than those who don’t develop a rash. A study, published in the July 1 issue of Clinical Cancer Research, a journal of the American Association for Cancer Research, reports that for patients taking Tarceva who developed a moderate to severe rash, survival without progression of disease was 245 percent longer than in patients who had a mild rash or none at all. In fact, in the majority of cases, the more severe the rash, the longer a patient's cancer was held in check, researchers found.

Another option is to concentrate on quality of life. In many cases, patients actually live longer if they stop actively treating their cancer and focus on palliative care to relieve symptoms because chemo takes such a heavy toll on the body.

On Monday I have appointment with my oncologist who is very optimistic and persuasive. So I’m not going to get to concerned about whether I change my mind in the coming months.

For years I have coveted a BMW tour bike. Granted, I already own a Honda Goldwing 1800 but I only bought that because I could save some money by buying a used bike. Meanwhile, I have dreamed about how great life would be if I could cruise down the freeway on one of these babies. It just might be the ticket to improve my quality of life in 2011. Or I could save the money for one of those rainy days.

Dick and Sharon Palmer

2010-12-01T11:24:00.002-07:00

Many years ago my family was fortunate to live in the same community of Denver, Colorado as Dick and Sharon Palmer and their kids. At the time I was heavily involved in scouting and got to take the boys on many hikes and camps. Dick was a avid supporter and friend. Years went by and we moved into different digs but didn't lose contact with the Palmers. Dick in turn retired and with his wife embarked on a series of LDS missions.

I also would very much like to serve a LDS mission with my wife but that remains somewhat in doubt given my health issues. My target mission would be in Kiribati, Tarawa. Kiribati is a small pacific island made famous by the book "The Sex Lives of Cannibals: Adrift in the Equatorial Pacific" by Maarten Troost. (The book has nothing to do with Cannibals or Sex but it makes an engaging title.) The Church operates the Moroni High School which is one of five schools on the island. The assignment would be to teach institute of religion classes and help out in any other manner. If I improve this summer, I'm going to attempt to apply. LDS missions are unlike other service opportunities in that we pay our own way for a period of eighteen months to two years and consider it a great honor and privilege to do so.

Anyway, this is what my good friends the Palmer have to say:

Dear Ken and Kathy,

I have been meaning to send you a note for a while. I could say that I have really been busy with family, church, etc. etc. and etc. but the truth is I have been at kind of a loss for words for some dear old friends. Now I am not saying that you are old or anything. I am just saying that our friendship goes back a bit. I would like to point out that I kind of felt a little short changed by not having you in our neighborhood and ward family longer. However it has been good to have kept in touch over the years.

It was fun to have your call a number of months back to talk about our senior missions and your interest in serving. As I have reflected on our discussion and the current turn of events it has reminded me of how fast life changes and that we don’t always know what the Lords plan for us is. It also reminded me of when we submitted our mission papers. There was an understanding before we signed the application form that we would be willing to serve anywhere the Lord needed us. I guess that is a little like our life here, if we will serve with all of our strength as the Lord needs us and if that happens to be here, there or where ever, we and our family will be blessed.

Reading your blog has been very interesting. I have learned a lot more about cancer, its effect, its treatment. But even more than that, I have learned more about two good friends and their exceptional strength and faith in time of challenge.

I do know that our knowledge and testimony of our Father In Heavens plan helps us in easy and hard times. I was reminded of when I had my heart attack in 1992. I was taken unconscious, by ambulance from my office to the hospital. During one of my wakeful moments with tubes and wires running all over me and feeling rather lousy, I heard a doctor comment at my bed talking to someone, “if he makes it through the night, he has a chance”. That shook me but I was amazed at how calm I was. I felt if it was my time my family was well provided for, I would miss a lot of things but I had no fear of death or of life after. My knowledge of the plan sustained me.

Another reference in your blog caused me to laugh. It referred to some scouting activity. This reminded me of a lot of scouting activities, camps, hikes, advancement meeting etc. I was so glad that you were the scoutmaster and I was in a supporting role. For planned hikes It was always exciting to see if you and all of the scouts would end up at an agreed upon meeting point and when. They were fun times. You had a good positive influence on my boys as well as many others that I know of. THANKS

I hope that it would be alright for us to drop in when we happen to be over in Salt Lake City sometime.

Love and Prayers

Dick and Sharon Palmer

Kris, Ginna, Max and Sandy

2010-11-29T07:36:00.002-07:00

Not everyone could make it to Utah for Thanksgiving. Thanks to the arrival of a new grandson, Kris and his family stayed in Santa Fe but it looks like they made the best of circumstances. Kathy and I fly out to Santa Fe this weekend for our first view of Sandy. We are anxious to see the family.

Thanksgiving 2010

2010-11-27T12:47:00.011-07:00

Welcome to a picture perfect Thanksgiving from Highland, Utah

My brother came to Salt Lake to visit this week. It was great to have him here and for him to have time to get reacquainted with the family and grandkids. Bob has a knack with children. They simply like him. Even little KC and Clayton, who are initially shy, took to him and readily cuddled up to him.

We were very fortunate to have a visit from my brother Bob

Kelly came for the week but had to return to school (Saturday, November 27) . Lechelle and Boston get to stay another week. Boston is my little King of the Road from Kansas City.

Trailers for sale or rent
Rooms to let...fifty cents.
No phone, no pool, no pets
I ain't got no cigarettes
Ah, but..two hours of pushin' broom
Buys an eight by twelve four-bit room
I'm a man of means by no means
King of the road

Boston loves to eat and likes to wear some of his food on his face.

Kari, Aaron and kids were here for Thanksgiving and we are so glad they are close by and we get to see them often. They also came by today to watch the BYU vs Utah football game. Too bad Utah won but the game was hard fought and close. We did miss having Kris and Gina and family here but we know they needed to catch up on much needed rest and relaxation after having a new baby.

KC had a fun time.

Boston said forget Thanksgiving Dinner, just give me a yummy straw!

KC loved playing big brother to Boston

We last visited with Boston last July when they came out to visit. He has grown a lot and is much more interactive. He doesn't fully crawl but scoots army style across the floor. He is such a happy baby.

Superman is about to take off...

It's a bird, it's a plane,

No, it's super Boston

As I mentioned the babies warmed right up to Bob.

Bob getting along with Boston

Finally it came time for Thanksgiving dinner. We went light on the Turkey opting only for a Turkey breast rather than the full beast. Kari made pecan and pumpkin pies. Lechelle made apple pies and the best cherry pie was purchased from the Lion House pantry.

Getting Thanksgiving dinner ready

And now time to eat

Parker liked the deserts most of all

We said goodbye to Kelly today. Our next visit will be this New Year's in St Louis when Boston is sealed to Kelly and Lechelle in the St Louis LDS Temple. In Mormonism, a sealing is an ordinance (ritual), performed in temples by a person holding the sealing power. The purpose of this ordinance is to seal family relationships, making possible the existence of family relationships throughout eternity. Because Boston was adopted a separate sealing is performed.

Kelly, Lechelle and Boston

Happy Holidays from Kelly, Lechelle and Boston. They were trying

to get a picture for their Christmas card.

A surprise came Thanksgiving morning when the band called a special meeting to unveil it's new name. They had called Kathy Wed. night to see if it would be okay if they called and asked me to come over to the garage where we practice. They wanted to surprise me by renaming the band in my honor. It all worked out and I was very surprised. Mike the drummer arranged to have a graphic artist create a new logo and banner. It was really nice of them to do that for me. Kelly has agreed to work on creating our website.

The Highland Highland is now officially the kendrix krew

Band members from left to right are Dennis Callanta (vocals and guitar),

Tracy Smith (keyboards), myself (vocals and guitar),

Mike Criddle (percussion and vocals), Brent Brown (bass and vocals)

Medication Balancing

2010-11-21T21:28:00.005-07:00

We are being visited this week by Kelly, Lechelle and Boston. Boston is a lovely and precious child and very well tempered. His adoption was finalized last Friday, November 19th. It is great to have them with us.

A common occurrence with lung and brain cancer is metastasis of the tumors to the brain. The mechanism by which primary tumors produce brain metastases is thought to be the spread from primary or secondary sites in the lung. Since the brain has no lymphatic system, all tumors metastasizing to the brain do so by spreading through the bloodstream.

Brain metastases carry an ominous prognosis regardless of primary status or treatment given. The median survival of untreated patients, or those treated with corticosteroids alone to reduce brain edema, is about one month. Whole brain radiation therapy (WBRT) is the most widely used method of treating brain metastasis, despite the fact that patients treated this way have an expected survival of only three to four months. Death from recurrent or persistent tumors occurs in about 50% of the patients.

Immediate side effects of WBRT can include memory loss, particularly verbal memory (remembering what someone said to you), extreme fatigue, temporary baldness, skin rash, inflammation of the outer ear, and hearing loss. Longer term toxicities which can occur within six months to two years after WBRT, include memory loss, confusion, lack of urinary control, and lack of coordination.

The effect of WBRT is swelling or edema of the brain. Dexamethasone (Decadron) is a steroid that is given to reduce the swelling. I take it in pill form twice a day. It starts working within several hours.

Steroids may be continued for weeks or even longer. However, the longer they are used, the worse the side effects become. Side effects from steroids can be very serious, but the brain swelling they counteract can be even more serious and possibly life-threatening. Common side effects from long-term use include weight gain, muscle weakness (myopathy), insomnia, moodiness, acne, osteoporosis, hypertension, swelling of the face, cataracts, osteonecrosis (death of bone cells), impaired wound healing, muscle weakness, pneumonia, and diabetes.

Given these side effects it makes sense to quit taking the steroid as soon as possible. So we decreased my dosage from 4 mg to 2 mg for a few days, then to a half a pill and finally to none. However, over this same time period I experienced extreme fatigue. It is as if I had hit a wall. I could do nothing more than lie in bed or sit on the couch. I would think about getting up but couldn’t muster the energy to go beyond that. The condition was severe.

On Tuesday we returned to the radiation Doctor to discuss this new development. While reviewing my medication list he discovered that I had ceased taking the steroid and suggested that I immediately return to my initial schedule with plans on weaning off the drug by Christmas. I am now back on the medication and doing better.

I again have the usual side effects of insomnia (I can sleep only 4 hours at a time), some weight gain, muscle weakness and impaired wound healing. My left ear has hearing loss which I believe is from the hardening of ear wax which can be treated without pills. But having cancer is a constant trade-off between medications and symptoms.

I suppose as time progresses we will learn better how to better manage the medications but this is not an exact science and much more of an art. I am just grateful that I have a loving caregiver with my best interests at heart.

Bad Daytime Television

2010-11-17T05:18:00.005-07:00

Very little says "staying home sick" better than watching really bad daytime television. Whether you're watching soap operas, daytime talk shows, court room proceedings, or straight up trailer trash assaulting each other, there is always a show for you when you're sick.

Iv'e never been much of a television watcher but have had little energy for anything else for the last three weeks. And not just during the daytime. I am usually awake for television viewing for three to four hours beginning at three in the morning, followed by more television during the late morning and afternoon. For the last couple of weeks, I’ve tried doing some work in the morning and afternoon but can barely muster the strength to get out of bed and lie on the couch.

Right now I'm watching The Discovery Channel. This is a channel no one ever plans on watching. It just happens. You're channel surfing and all of a sudden -- boom -- you're watching a mole for an hour-and-a-half.

With the notable exception of the History Channel, there are few basic cable channels that appeal to men more than the Discovery Channel. As if Shark Week and Myth Busters aren’t enough reason to watch, they also have Deadliest Catch, Dirty Jobs, and Man vs. Wild.

Speaking of the History Channel, what happened to history? Every time I surf the history channel, I see reality TV!

Pawn Stars - Yeah, a high end pawn shop.

American Pickers - Guys looking for valuable old junk?

Ice Road Truckers – Driving on frozen roads.

Deadliest Roads - You’re kidding.

Ax men? Again, is this the History Channel or Reality TV?

Ice Road Truckers is about a bunch of diesel dummies that drive on frozen roads.

Okay, sounds kind of scary. But you have to believe that anyone, even a diesel dummy driving the same frozen roads over and over again will eventually become good at it. So where is the excitement? Once in a while someone will drive off a road and crash, but for the most part the show is uneventful and boring. Just now the announcer is trying desperately to make a driver with a “check engine light” sound exciting.

Then there’s always ESPN Sport Center to fall back on. It’s available 24 hours a day and repeats itself on the hour. As entertaining as this may be the first time around daily doses become mind numbing. Not to you? Then you just might be addicted to sports. Test yourself by checking if you exhibit any of the following symptoms:

You can't go to sleep without watching sports center at least three times all the way through.

You just got done watching an entire basketball game, and then switch the channel to ESPN to watch the highlights.

The TV is on and you walk by to see the same sports center you have been watching all day is on, and you stop and watch each highlight like you haven't seen it yet.

You record sports center.

During a game you see something and say to yourself, “That’s a sports center top 10”.

Watching sports center for the 8th time is better than watching a regular TV show.

Finally, the even daytime commercials provide their own entertainment excepting that they’re targeted directly at you. Am I really that bad?

"Are you a loser? Then go to college at your local degree mill! We offer PhD's in just 18 months!"

"Are you struggling under debt? Then call the Dead Beat Debt Consolidation Program. Expert financial advisors are standing by now to show you how to not pay back the money you owe!"

"Injured or just willing to say you've been? Call Personal Injury Lawyers at 1-800-SUE-THEM."

And so forth and so on.

I decided that if I was going to remain incapacitated for any additional length of time I might need to expand my television viewing options. As we are currently Comcast cable subscribers, the obvious solution is to purchase an expanded package. We currently subscribe to Digital Starter package which offers 80 channels. Of those 80 channels we probably watch 10 or fewer on a regular basis.

Viewing the Comcast website I found that my only real upgrade would be the Digital Premier package which offers 200 channels, including HBO, Starz, Cinemax and Showtime as well as an expanded Sports Entertainment package for $85 per month for the first six months (then the bill goes up). Of course, that really translates to an additional 50 filler channels not worth viewing, multiple movie channels we wouldn’t watch because of content and more sports than anyone needs, all for only $50 per month more than what we currently pay. Not a great option.

The second option, and one we decided on, was to reinstate our Netflix account. For $8 per month we have unlimited access to on-demand movies. The selection isn’t super but is certainly better than reruns of Ice Road Truckers.

I only hope that I can get some energy back so as to make up my own entertainment. I’ve always been so much better at it than the television entertainment industry.

Countin' flowers on the wall
That don't bother me at all
Playin' solitaire till dawn with a deck of fifty-one
Smokin' cigarettes and watchin' Captain Kangaroo
Now don't tell me I've nothin' to do
(Statler Brothers)

I did watch Captain Kangaroo when I was a kid but have never smoked cigarettes. I am not blaming my lung cancer on the Captain unless I might be able to sue him. Hey you Personal Injury Lawyers, do you think I have a case?

Strange Days Indeed

2010-11-11T21:51:00.002-07:00

Nobody told me there'd be days like these
Nobody told me there'd be days like these
Nobody told me there'd be days like these
Strange days indeed
most peculiar
Mama.
(John Lennon)

I suppose if I were to best describe this past week would be “strange days indeed”. Beginning the Friday of last week I suffered a significant decline in health. Being new to this cancer stuff I don’t know how to interpret physical changes. By Saturday I was convinced that I wouldn’t make it to Christmas and didn’t want to make it if it meant suffering as I was. I admit that I cried out of despair and pain and discomfort. But today is Thursday and I’m feeling much better. I passed the test or at least survived it.

I met with my oncologist Doctor on Monday. This man is an amazing care taker. He calls me in the evening to check up on how it’s going. What Doctor does that? Dr. Nathan Rich. Dr. Rich explained that my discomfort was mostly the effect of brain radiation and would continue for another week or two and then get better. They gave me medication for my heartburn and I am improving.

On Tuesday Kathy and I attended a cancer support group in Salt Lake. It is my belief that many cancer patients in the Salt Lake area have a good support group in place through their spouses and families and consequently don’t attend these support groups. I fall into this category but enjoyed meeting with others in the support group. However, there are those who must face cancer alone.

I met a man named Taylor who has had a growth the size of a tennis ball on his back for two years. He had disinclined medical help because he feared he lacked financial resources to pay. The social worker explained to him that was eligible for state financial aid. IHC would not turn him away although his level of support may not be at the same level that I enjoy.

Cancer is very expensive. I don’t know what radiation treatment costs but I imagine it is substantive. I am now taking a targeted drug called Traceva. This wonder drug is supposed to add a year to my life expectancy but costs $100 a pill and I’m supposed to take it daily until it quits working. That’s $36,500 for the next year. Fortunately, we have learned that United Healthcare will cover the expense at 100%. My insurance coverage is expensive as I elected to purchase a premium policy some years ago and I expect that I have prepaid some of this medication cost already, but it is nice not to worry about the additional cost of medication at this time.

Burnt Esophagus and Hair Loss

2010-11-08T18:59:00.011-07:00

Two old baseball buddies with lung cancer were chatting on a park bench. Paul says, "I hope they have a baseball team in heaven."

"Me too", says Jack.

"Tell you what", says Paul, "If I die first, I'll give you a message about whether there is baseball in Heaven. If you die first, you can do the same for me."

A year later, Paul is dead and Jack is sitting on the park bench when he hears: "Jack, it's me, Paul. I have great news! Guess what. There really is a baseball team in heaven."

"Thank Goodness", sighs Jack, "Now I can die in peace."

"I'm glad you feel that way," says Paul, "because you're pitching tomorrow."

Friday we went to a Michael Martin Murphy cowboy concert in St George so I wore my best go-to-meeting boots and hat.

Last Wednesday morning it began snowing hair flakes. I thought that when I started radiation therapy that the effects would be somewhat constant. It wasn’t so. The effects accumulate. I finished radiation last Friday but the full effects are just now showing themselves. The radiation had reached a level last Wednesday where my hair started falling out. I woke up and there it was all over my pillow.

I totally underestimated radiation. This weekend kicked my butt and I’ve got two more weeks before I get through the total effects of the treatment. It’s going to be tough and when the going gets tough, the tough are going to try to sleep through the week.

The worse of the effects is heartburn. You wouldn’t think so as I don’t have stomach cancer but I could hardly eat solids. Even ice cream was giving me problems.

Kathy and I went to Delta on Sunday to visit her parents. Her mother is one of the world’s best cooks. Naturally, she was ready with a delicious meal of mashed potatoes, salad, cordon bleu and vegetables. I took one bite of the potatoes but couldn’t digest another. And I really like mashed potatoes!

We learned today that the radiation has effected my esophagus when targeting the lung tumor so I now take another medicine which first numbs the esophagus before eating. I tried it tonight and it worked. I had eggs, toast, strawberry milk and ice cream.

Radiation nurses Dana and Katy were very nice.

Caution Will Robinson Radiation inside!

Baldy preparing for another treatment.

We did two treatments. The first treated brain tumors. The mask holds my head in the right place so that we don't treat eye balls or ears. The second pass (not shown) treated the right lung and inadvertently the esophagus. Oops

Cowboy Halloween, Part 3

2010-11-02T09:10:00.003-06:00

Last night we enjoyed a pleasant evening with family and friends at Abravanal Hall in Salt Lake listening to the music of "Riders in the Sky". This is the same group that reached fame with "Woody's Roundup" for Toy Story 2. Backed up by their bunk house band, the Salt Lake Symphony, with a little imagination you could find yourself around the campfire tapping your toes as sparks lifted towards celestial diamonds overhead.

Half the audience game decked out in their go-to-meeting cowboy best. I wore my new 10 gallon cowboy hat along with new boots and pressed jeans. Next event I might even spring for a genuine leather vest and Bolo tie.

Hey, yippie-yi-yo-ki-yay

Life Expectancy and Procastination

2010-11-01T01:46:00.006-06:00

Overview

Lung cancer is one of the deadliest forms of cancer, with 86 percent of sufferers dying within five years, according to Cancer Monthly. However, the specific life expectancy depends upon what type of lung cancer a patient has, how advanced the cancer is, his overall health and how aggressively the disease is treated. These factors can triple and even quadruple the overall survival rates.

Types of Lung Cancer

According to the numbers presented by Cancer Monthly, life expectancy is closely related to the particular type of lung cancer. I have non-small squamous cell carinoma which accounts for roughly 30% of non-small cell lung cancers in the United States.

Staging

Lung cancer is not easy to find early. Usually the physician will suspect it if the patient, especially a smoker, has a persistent or worsening cough, shortness of breath, blood sputum, or other respiratory changes. The first test in attempting to pinpoint the problem will be a chest X-ray or scan done for other reasons, such as before surgery.

Magnetic resonance imaging (MRI), or even new techniques, such as PET-CT scanners, may yield even more valuable information. The PET scan will show “hot-spots” in your lung, bones or brain tissue. However, the only sure way to diagnose a tumor is to take a biopsy After the biopsy, the sample of the tumor will be examined under a microscope by a pathologist, who will identify the cells and determine whether the tumor is benign or malignant. My pathologist is a family friend and someone whom I respect and have gone on an extended motorcycle trip. It seemed a little unfair to have Dr. Willis Thorne be the bearer of bad news but most of us take news better from those who care about us and are best able to provide comfort.

Life Expectancy

Just like other cancers, lung cancer is staged according to the size of the tumor, nodal involvement and whether there are distant metastases. Predictably, five-year survival rates decrease as the staging increases. For example, Cancer Monthly reports five-year survival rates of 60 to 80 percent if the tumor is less than 3cm and there are no metastases to lymph nodes or distant issues. This rate plummets to less than 5 percent if there are distant metastases or if the tumor has invaded the mediastinum where the heart, great vessels, trachea and esophagus are located. My particular brand of cancer has metastasized to the brain and to the bone area. That's why we are engaged in a three week period of brain radiation to be followed by targeted chemo therapy. Studies have found that combining radiation and chemo therapy result in exceptionally high mortality rates, so we are waiting until mid November to start the chemo therapy. In the meanwhile, little is being done to control the growth of the cancer in my lungs and bones.

New Drug

Originally approved to treat non-small cell cancers, Tarceva, or erlotinib, was approved by the FDA in 2010 to treat all lung cancers. The FDA said Tarceva extends the median survival by two to three months, compared with a placebo, after other treatments have failed. Originally, my understanding that this miracle drug helped by years but note the actual effects - it extends quality of life by two to three months!

Case Analysis

Question: What are the chances of survival from Lung Cancer? My mother in law has just found out she has lung cancer and a tumor in her lung. She will be getting surgery to remove the tumor tomorrow. What are the chances of everything being okay? Will she have to take radiation or chemotherapy afterward? I would like to get input from anyone that has gone through this experience. She is very scared and was a smoker for 22 years. Any information is more than welcome.

Answer: I'm very sorry. Lung cancer has one of the lowest survival rates. That doesn't mean there's no hope, but you have to be realistic. Forecasting the Course of Disease: Lung Cancer Prognosis Overall, fewer than 10% of people with primary lung cancer are alive 5 years after diagnosis.

But 5-year survival rates may be as high as 35 to 40% among patients who undergo surgical resection for cancer that has not spread beyond the lung. General estimates of stage-specific median survival time the point at which 50% of patients are still living are as follows:

Stage 1a - more than 60 months (> 5 years)

Stage 1b - about 36 months (3 years)

Stage 2a - about 24 months (2 years)

Stage 2b - about 20 months (< 2 years)

Stage 3a - about 15 months (< 1.5 years)

Stage 3b - about 12 months (1 year)

Stage 4 - about 8 months (< 1 year)

Summary

It is not healthy to dwell on “worst case” statistics and having posting these statistics I promise to ignore them in the future. On the other hand, it serves little purpose to not be informed and realistic.

A realistic view motivates the diseased to put his affairs in order to insure a continuum of family and business relations. For example, for years I recognized the need to better control my emotions – specifically anger. I decided that I would work on this issue when I reached my mid 50’s. With a more realistic time-frame, I now find that I cannot afford any additional procrastination.

Note, that there was a time when I did have a hot temper but I’ve mellowed out significantly over the years to where anger is not a chief concern. I have other problems that require more urgent and critical attention.

According to a lung cancer survival rate for Stage 4, I have a remaining life expectancy of 8 months to 1 year, adjusted up a couple of months for using Tarceva which I won’t begin using until mid November and subtracting two months of surgery and radiation treatments. Assuming the effects of this cancer became serious in July, a terminal date around my next birthday, September 5, 2011 is a reasonable estimate and one that I am emotionally comfortable with.

If you need a more scientific life expectancy estimate, may I suggest to you the site: http://deathdate.info/s/death/.

Ken Hendricks

Optimistic

· Predicted Death Date: 9 july 2033

Neutral

· Predicted Death Date: 18 december 2019

Pessimistic

· Predicted Death Date: 3 august 2005

Cowboy Halloween, Part 2

2010-10-30T02:57:00.009-06:00

This Friday evening we held our family Halloween show and party. Besides playing some music, we had soup and deserts, a favorite costume contest and kids games. Of course, the whole place we richly decorated as pertaining to the season. Friends and Family of all 4 members of the band came bringing in a crowd of around 80 people. It was a monster bash!

Aaron came as a punk kid!

Kari used her witchcraft to keep the kids in line...

with a little help from grandpa.

Lorna, reverted back to her Delta 4-H Days

The inspector brought his pink panther and the little thief. Plus a couple of cute extras.

Stephanie and Kurt came as as French pastry chef and his beautiful gypsy wife.

Mr. Brawny had a great costume and made the best chili!

And don't forget the Batman family (Anne, Andy and Drew)

Of course, liberal Utah Phil protested for black power!

Michael and Jen pulled a baby from a hat. So that's how its done?

A little harmonica on "Mary Jane's Last Dance"

After all, it was a concert and I gave it my best effort

to squeeze out a few bars before passing out!

Thanks everyone for coming. Next is our rocking 'Christmas party!

Munster's Theme

2010-10-29T13:18:00.000-06:00

Cowboy Halloween, Part 1

2010-10-29T12:13:00.003-06:00

I admit that I was not country when country wasn’t cool. In fact, I don’t particularly enjoy modern country. It’s so formulaic and predictable from the cowboy hat down to the boots. Current artists reminisce about Texas, front porch swings and tractors while they jet from their Nashville mansions to engage in sullied affairs in tropical locals.

But by and large western music has always been a hoax. Most singers croon about “Blue Montana Skies”, “Autumn on the Trail” and “Ridin’ Down the Canyon,” but chances are they’ve never seen a longhorn stampede or felt the saddle sores that come with rounding up a herd and driving it to market.

Although the old west has always existed more as myth than reality occasionally you can still catch a glimpse if you wander out west along the Deep Creek Mountains in western Utah or drive along the Skyview drive. One day, I remember, rounding a corner on my motorcycle heading down towards Huntington to encounter a full racked Texan longhorn sashaying down the middle of the road. Move along little doggie.

Still, slide on a pair of cowboy boots, a stiff hat and Sunday going-to-meeting shirt and you feel, well, rugged and manly like the Marlboro man. Add an acoustic guitar and you can be the Fireman, George Strait.

Yesterday I met with Guy Randle to plan a recording session. I have a few more tunes in my head that I would like to get to disk. I had planned on doing this a couple of years ago as a Christmas gift for Kathy but other things pushed it off. The great thing about being on a timer now is that you are less likely to put off the important things.

So Guy and I put down a demo track and then discussed the instrumentation and artists. I could do this simple and solo but I’m not that type of guy. I like a production that I can be proud of and leave behind. So we are going to hire the best studio musicians to bring this to life: Ryan Shupe on fiddle (Ryan Shupe and the Rubberband), Rich Dixon (friend and lead guitarist for the Osmonds), Todd Sorensen (drummer, composer, producer), Jeff Hinton (Joshua Creek lead singer), Guy Randall on Mandolin and myself on acoustic guitar.

Studio artists charge for a session period which is usually a couple of hours. My one little song will hardly fill that so I’ve got to put something else together. Fortunately, I have just the tune. For our twenty year wedding anniversary Kathy and I went to Maui and Oahu, Hawaii. Somewhere around Turtle Bay a tune popped into my head which just won’t go away. How do you put together western swing with the sound of the islands? It will a challenge but fun.

Denver Friends and Response

2010-10-26T04:14:00.004-06:00

We received the following cards in the mail yesterday from some dear friends in Denver where I served as Bishop. We were so touched by their love and concern for us. I appreciated it very much.

Dear Friends, The news of your health problem was a shock ~ we are so sorry. Our prayers are with you. May you have our Heavenly Fathers arms to be around you and support you during this difficult time. We love you - you have many friends here who love and will pray for you. We remember your years here as the Bishop. I will always remember one Sunday you, Bishop, asked me if I could please play the organ a little softer - and I said "NO"! I need to repent! Our thoughts and prayers will be with you.
Steve and Marie Carpenter

Dear Ken & Kathy
May you know our love and prayers are with you. May you feel the Lords tender mercies and his loving arms around you. You are so loved.
Jim and Donna Johnson

Ken & Kathy
Love & prayers go to you at this time. I know your faith and strength will be such a blessing at this time. Wishing you the best with the treatments and care you will be receiving.
Love Dorothy & Rick

Dear Brother Hendricks & Family
I can't imagine how difficult this is and will be for you. I do not know you - but I have heard many nice things about you & and your family. I know many who love you & are great friends with your family. Your example has gone beyond them & touched lives. I pray you feel the love of our Savior and Father in Heaven during this time. You will be in our prayers.
Love, the Bott Family

Bishop & Kathy
We are extremely sorry to hear about your recent diagnosis. We will pray for your comfort as you go through this very, very hard time. We love you and know that the Lord will bless you both through this. You are strong. Your testimonies will carry you through this.
Love, Sister DeAnne Smith

Dear Hendricks Family,
We want to send our love to your family. We will keep you in our prayers. May the Lord comfort you, and may you feel his love round about you.
Love, Clark & Lynnea Anderson

Dear Bro Hendricks
We are sending our love to you and your family. The Lords works in mysterious ways!! There is love in the Gospel!!
Love, The Shaws

Dear Hendricks Family
So sorry to hear about Ken. You are in our thoughts and prayers. May you feel the love and strength from Heavenly Father to help with this trial in your life. We love you!
The Nielsen Family

Dear Bishop Hendricks
Please be comforted at this time! You are a dear man and have been loved and appreciated by your righteous service in your Priesthood. You are in our prayers.
Ailiene Coclcuham & Brittany Gallagher

Dear Bishop Hendricks & Kathy
I have always been so appreciative of my joy and pleasure to be considered your friend and Sister in the Gospel. I loved serving with you -- we had a variety of good & and interesting experiences, didn't we. Of course, my prayers are with you and yours, as you face what lies ahead. I will join my strength with your strength and faith... and we'll go from there... much love always,
Carly Garza

Dear Ken & Kathy
We love you! We are so grateful we could fast for your family. We have a strong testimony of fasting. We know the comfort that comes to us through others love. Our first association with you was when we sat in your Bishop's office. Several of us parents were there trying to figure out our boys and the trials they were putting us through. We were always grateful that we could all work together as parents and friends. You are very good, strong people. You have testimonies of our Savior and his atonement. We are personally grateful our Savior loved us so much to take upon himself our sadness and paid the heartache! We will always remember you in our thoughts and prayers.
Love, Wade, Ann & Mike Hancey

Dear Bishop and Kathy
We love you! I am so grateful that our paths crossed. You are amazing people - so string and so faithful. Thank you for your examples. You are truly elect people. Treasure every moment.
Michelle Ballard

Bishop Hendricks
We were so sad to hear about your illness!! Know that you are in our prayers and our thoughts.
Love, Doug, Miquel Hamilton

Dear Ken & Kathy
My thought and prayers are with you. I love you and thank you for all that you have done for me.
I love you! Cindy Johnson

Bishop Hendricks
My husband and I moved into the ward after you were released as Bishop so we didn’t have the privilege of knowing you and your family but we wish you the best and hope you will all feel the loving arms of the Savior all around you as you endure this trial. May you find comfort through your faith in Christ and Heavenly father's plan of eternal life.
The Tweeddale Family

Dear Bishop & Kathy Hendricks
You are in my thoughts and prayers. I know you have a lot of faith and are strong people. You have always been great examples to me. I am still indebted to you for all you did for my family. I have talked to my children and Karly, Brittny, & Ryan send their love. My girls are going to call Kari. I love you and your family and pray you will be blessed with peace and comfort to endure this trial.
Love, Debbie Burrows

Michelle, could you please deliver this response to the Bishop and have it read to the members. Thank you.

Dear Clement Park Friends,

Thank you so much for your generous thoughts and prayers. They are so appreciated. One of the greatest blessings that I have ever enjoyed was being your Bishop. Looking back it wasn’t fair to the other Bishops in the Stake because I had such an easy time given the strength of our Ward. It was truly a Camelot period. I always knew that whatever the Stake or I asked of you, you would respond.

We all grow older, experience life’s hardships and its moments of thrills and delights. While we have had some difficulties ourselves, Kathy and I choose to focus on our blessings of which we have many. Our greatest blessings have been our children – children which many of you influenced for good. I cannot even express to you my feelings as I recently lay in a hospital bed and was ministered to by a righteous son and son-in-law. I would have happily passed there having had everything a man could reasonably want.

I always wanted to return and live in Colorado again, to see the blue skies, cheer for the Broncos (maybe not this year), to stroll around Clement Park Lake, to reflect at the High School and to be reunited with you. I was never able to completely move on after having experienced Colorado. I think that I left my heart behind when we came to Utah. I may not get that chance again but I will never forget you and what you given to our family.

I am at peace with my illness and God’s will. If it is his will for me to pass I look forward to reuniting with dearly departed friends and with my son. What a joyous occasion that will be! If I recover and remain in mortality longer I certainly have gained a better appreciation for service and reaching out to those in need.

May the Lord’s blessings remain with you.

Love Always,

Bishop Hendricks

Hair Cut

2010-10-24T10:29:00.015-06:00

I want to thank my friend who has also had cancer for sharing with me the following story:

There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror,

and noticed she had only three hairs on her head.

"Well," she said, "I think I'll braid my hair today." So she did and
she had a wonderful day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that she had
only two hairs on her head.

"H-m-m." said said, "I think I'll part my hair down the middle today."
So she did and she had a grand day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that she
had only one hair on her head.

"Well, " she said, "Today I'm going to wear my hair in a
pony tail."

So she did and she had a fun, fun day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that
there wasn't a single hair on her head.

"YEAH !!" she exclaimed, "Hooray I don't have to fix my hair today !!"

Attitude is everything.

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

Live Simply
Love generously
Care deeply
Speak kindly....
Leave the Rest to God

Thanks Michelle!

I started radiation therapy last week which will continue for another two weeks. As I mentioned, it is noninvasive and painless, however, beginning sometime this week I will begin losing my hair. Like the woman in the above joke I’ve decided to be proactive and meet it head-on (pardon the pun). True, this isn’t that cool bald look yet. I’m hoping that I can keep some of it on top but if not then next week I’ll apply the razor blade. I’ve thought of shaving it completely off and applying lime green floresent paint for Halloween as long as it doesn’t frighten the grandchildren too much.

I expect this week to be somewhat quiet. On Friday I did have a CT scan to review the growth of my lung tumors. We are waiting to complete the brain radiation until we begin treating these primary cancer tumors with medication. I eerie thing is that I think that I can feel them growing, it hurts a bit and is disconcerting. If the tumors are growing too fast we will have to begin zapping them this week with radiation also. The argument thus far against radiation is that it kills some healthy lung tissue along with the cancer cells. So it is better to wait for the medication if possible.

Sometime after Thanksgiving and the beginning-of-the year, we plan on making a trip to Washington to see the family. We hope to make the rounds and spend some time with all of you. I look forward to seeing you.

Here are some pictures of the some of the grandkids and I getting our haircuts.

(Kenneth Charles (age 4)

Parker Bryan (age 6)

And when I die, and when I'm gone
there'll be, one child born
in this world
to carry on, to carry on

Laura Nyro (she wrote this song that was done by Blood, Sweat and Tears)
October 18, 1947 – April 8, 1997

Radiation Treatment and Other Endulgences

2010-10-20T10:43:00.008-06:00

Today, I had my second radiation treatment. I'll have 14 of these aimed to eradicate any cancer cells in my brain. The way this is done is that you lay flat on a bench with you feet tied together and your head screwed down. They don't bore holes into your head but have previously made a special mask which is placed over your head and then bolted down.

The therapy is short and painless. There is a white flash on the right side followed by a blue horizontal energy bar followed by some noises as the internal chipmunks wake up and bang against the drums. The process is repeated on the left side and then you are done.

I didn't notice any side effects. The right side flash did bother my eye yesterday but not today. Also, I went camping last weekend with Parker and KC and developed a cough on top of the cough I already have from the cancer. Parker and KC lasted until about 9:30 before they went into the house. I guess the cowboy room has more appeal than the tent. I stayed outdoors until 2:30 am enjoying the night air and crickets. But despite three air mattresses I couldn't get comfortable and also surrendered to a soft and warm bed.

I guess the worst side effect is the long term loss of cognitive powers. Just think how many beers I could have drunk and gotten the same effect!

I tend to cough a lot now especially when I am lying down. I held the cough as long as I could while I was having the therapy but finally couldn't suppress it and had a coughing fit during the treatment. Of course, you can't move your head too much, which is good. Imagine if you jerked your head and took a dose in your eye or ear. Say deaf and blind. As soon as I began coughing the technicans cut the treatment short.

Aside for that, all is going well. Tonight I look forward to watching 'The Middle' and 'Modern Family' and taking it easy. Also I'm indulging myself in two weaknesses besides Ben and Jerry's ice cream.

First, I have a love for books, especially teen books such as; The Chronicals of Narnia, The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings, Cirque Du Freak, Hatchett, and My Side of the Mountain. For many years I have mostly read history and professional books but hey, life is for living.

I have recently read the 12 books in the Darren Shan series (Cirque Du Freak). I got a Amazon Kindle for Christmas last year. The cool thing about it is that you can select and purchase a book just about anywhere anytime. I started reading the Darren Shan book and every other day, zing,

I would have to buy another book . I also read the 4 Brian Hatchett books, and 3 books of "My Side of the Mountain". They are short and allow your soul to roam.

At night I am re-reading 'Magic Mountain' by Thomas Mann which is definitely not a kids book and should only be ventured by the brave and enduring reader. If you look on Amazon you will find gushing reviews, however, before I recommend this to everyone beware that not everyone has the same view:

"At the risk of being labelled a Philistine, I declare that this book is one of the most insufferably boring tomes that has ever made it onto my bedside table. I admit that I only struggled my way through the first 170 pages, but that was enough to convince me that I should not waste any more minutes of my precious life wading through any more of this drivel.

I know, I have also been chastised for criticising modern art in the same way. Tracey Emin's "Unmade Bed" and Thomas Mann's "The Magic Mountain" will just have to live in the pile of junk that I fail to understand.

I realise that I am in the minority, as most reviewers and professors of literature believe this to be a masterpiece, and probably the best book to come out of Germany in the twentieth century. Then again, Hans Christian Anderson's boy who recognised the nakedness of his Emperor as those around him admired the splendour and wonderful colours of their leader's new clothes, was also in the minority. "

I am reading 'Prayer' by Philip Yancey. Philip Yancey was for many years an editor for Christianity Today and wrote articles for Reader's Digest, The Saturday Evening Post, Publishers Weekly, Chicago Tribune Magazine, Eternity, Moody Monthly, and National Wildlife, among others. He is not LDS but his works appeal to all denominations equally. I know some people will object to reading authors from outside of their immediate religous affiliation. That is nonsense. No one has a monopoly on religous thought and there are many good, educated, and insightful authors who write for the intent on helping us lay people better understand the workings of God.

I have read many of his works but perhaps his most thought provoking book is 'The Jesus I Never Knew'. I heartily endorse this book to all of my family - those who attend a church and those who do not.

Also, I am purchasing a bit of music. Actually, I am always purchasing and enjoying music. I suppose that we all have our vices. I love all kinds of music, at least what I call music, and am enjoying the great work produced during the last 50 years. Actually, I don't think there has been much good stuff done since the mid '80s, but that is my opinion. I do like John Meyer and Maroon Five. In the last few month I have purchased:

'Face the Music' by ELO,

'Foot Loose & Fancy Free' by Rod Stewart,

'Every Picture Tells a Story' by Rod Stewart,

'The Very Best of War' by War,

'Why Can't We Be Friends', by War,

'The World Is a Ghetto', by War,

'From Donny...With Love', by Donny Osmond (I have a weak spot for soft sounds),

'Love Songs of the '70s', by Donny Osmond,

'Hurdy Gurdy Man' by Donovan,

'A Day at the Races' by Queen

'A Night at the Opera' by Queen,

'The Very Best of the Sytlistics',

'Houses of the Holy' by Led Zeppelin,

'Raising Sand' by Robert Plant & Alison Krauss,

'The Best of Earth, Wind and Fire'

Today I bought new album by Elton John and Leon Russell. You can probably skip it.

I hope that when I die someone will put an iPod in my coffin.

More Good News

2010-10-19T12:40:00.005-06:00

Today I met with Lung and Heart specialists for the last time. They took an x-ray of my chest and found that the pleurodesis has succeeded perfectly and that I had graduated from their care. They also expressed their appreciation that I was thin and in good shape. "It is so much easier to work on people who are in good physical condition", the PA said. I nearly bust my buttons.

I also had a conference call with Verizon, one of my work clients. I had debated about informing them of my cancer fearing that they would become nervous and look for another provider, however, in the end I chose to inform them of my condition because,

1) I have worked with these people for many years and count them as friends. If I have to go through this ordeal I want the support from my friends, and

2) It is only ethical to let them know as it effects their business.

I believe that I will be able to function for them for the next few years and that they will continue to use my services. But in any event, I will always appreciate and have fond feelings for those of my Bell friends.

Results Day

2010-10-18T19:56:00.005-06:00

Today was a day of good news, well relatively good news. When you are dealing with any life threatening illness you can see the glass half empty or half full. I prefer to look on the positive side. Several years ago I knew a woman who had a negative outlook on life. She was diagnosed with cancer and died within a few months. While I don’t think that a positive attitude will necessarily heal all wounds it is proven that faith and a positive outlook goes a long way towards successful treatment.

I still have Lung Cancer and it has spread to my brain. The good news regarding the brain tumors is that they are small and the physicians are confident they can be zapped into oblivion with radiation therapy. Beginning tomorrow afternoon I start 14 days radiation therapy.

Radiation therapy doesn’t hurt, that is good news. The notable side effect is physical fatigue and hair loss. So this weekend I will join the ranks of the follicle impaired shaving my hair. For Halloween, all I will need is a light bulb to go as Uncle Fester. I'm told that the hair may or may not regrow.

The other good news is that my particular type of lung cancer can be treated with Tarceva. Tarceva is a wonder drug which has greater success than traditional chemo therapy. It’s a pill you take in the morning and the side effects are minimal. It just doesn’t work for all types of cancer but it does work for mine.

Tarceva will not cure my cancer. It remains terminal; however, for the first time since I was first diagnosed, physicians are talking about years of life not months. I’d say that is pretty positive!

American Glory Guitar

2010-10-16T20:37:00.005-06:00

On one of our many trips to and from southern Utah I noticed a sign along I-15 advertising custom guitars and basses. Eventually I did a search on google for custom guitars in Utah. After some searching I found Treker guitars. Treker is owned by the Bunker father and son combination. The senior Dave Bunker resides in Washington state and the younger lives just north of Mona.

Their player lists contains guitarists from BTO; the Osmonds; Heart, Earth, Wind and Fire; Alabama; Fire Fall; Chris Ledoux; Eric Clapton; the Allman Brothers; Red Hot Chili Peppers; the Spin Doctors; Poco and the Eagles; and the US Navy Band.

Next I checked out their instrument catalog. There I found my holy grail of guitars, the American Glory 20. I had wanted a flag guitar for several years for our summer gigs. I had even debated building an American Flag guitar myself but wasn’t sure that I could do it justice.

I considered purchasing a Buck Owens Fender Telecaster. Most of you won’t know who Buck Owens was but he was one of the first modern country artists. I remember watching him on television when he traded his trade mark butch hair cut in for longer hair. He was also the star of Hee Haw which ran from 1969 through 1986. However, I already own three Telecasters and wanted something more musically versatile.

After finding the Treker website I pulled the trigger and ordered a custom American Glory last spring hoping to have the guitar by the end of July for our summer gigs. He didn’t get it completed for last summer but I still hope to use it next summer.

I had suspected that Dave Bunker belonged to the Apostolic United Brethern group located at Rocky Ridge. Rocky Ridge is north of Mona on the west side of the highway. They run a cabinet manufacturing business making some of the nicest cabinets in Utah. The AUB has between 6,000 and 9,000 members located primarily in Utah and Mexico. They have an endowment house south of Bluffdale which you can see off of the freeway at the point of the Mountain.

The AUB's members tend to integrate with their surrounding communities, much more so than some other Mormon fundamentalists. This can largely be attributed to the AUB's former prophet, Owen A. Allred, and his desire to be up front with local law enforcement and the news media, especially when it came to ending rumors of underage, arranged marriages that many other fundamentalist Mormon groups were known for. Allred believed that transparency was key in helping the community see that the AUB and its members were not a threat.

We found the community to be very friendly and open. We waited for Dave at his home where his wife Marilynn was getting their son ready for a scout camping trip. I suspect that there was more than one wife in the household but didn't see any other adults. I was impressed with the pictures of Joseph Smith, Brigham Young and Christ which adorned their home.

Dave arrived took us to his shop for a short tour. It had to be short because the dust in the air irritated my lungs and caused a coughing fit. I have been fortunate to have toured the Martin, Fender, and Louviere guitar factories and Kamaka Ukulele factory this September in Hawaii. Most manufacturers use computer controlled routers and advanced spraying booths to keep quality up and costs down. Dave has access to the same advanced equipment through his association with the cabinet business.

After leaving Mona we stopped briefly at the Red Barn in Santaquin. From there we got back on the highway to return to Highland. As we were entering the highway Dave and a couple of other fathers loaded down in their mini Vans and Suburbans with scouts passed us heading out for a weekend camping trip. Thanks Dave and good luck on the camping trip.

How Many Doctors Does It Take To Screw In A Light Bulb?

2010-10-15T13:54:00.003-06:00

Q: How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Three. One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare.

Q: How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.

Q: How many dentists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Just one, but the soonest he can do it is in two months.

Q: How many people from New Jersey does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Three. One to change the light bulb, one to be a witness, and the third to shoot the witness.

Q: How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.

Q: How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Three, but they're really only one.

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: How many can you afford?

Q: How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

A: The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!

Q: How many `Real Men' does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None: `Real Men' aren't afraid of the dark.

The real question is “how many Doctor’s appointments” does it take to diagnose cancer? So far the tally is 13 not counting the five days I spent in the hospital following my pleurodesis.

July, Visit with Primary Care Physician (PCP) about pain in my side. He concludes without examination that I had bruised a rib which would soon heal.

September 13, Visit with my PCP. Complained again about the pain in my side and shortness of breath. PCP suggests a blood test and echo cardiogram of my heart.

September 15, Had the echo cardiogram at American Fork Hospital.

September 16, Follow up visit with my PCP. The echo cardiogram had found fluid around my heart. Doctor orders a chest x-ray and lung capacity test.

September 20, Chest x-ray at American Fork Hospital. The x-ray shows substantial fluid build-up in my right lung cavity. PCP orders a thoracentese to drain the fluid.

September 23, Met again with PCP. He suggests a meeting with a lung, throat, heart specialist.

September 24, TB test at PCP.

September 28, Met with heart, lung, and throat specialist, Dr. Dane who orders a PET scan and schedules surgery for the upcoming Friday.

Sept 29, Pre surgery preparation and PET scan at Utah Valley Hospital.

October 1, Met again with Dr. Dane. The PET scan shows strong evidence of advanced cancer. Have pleurodesis surgery and remain in the hospital until October 6th. On the 6th the Pathologist gives his report that the cancer is advanced, aggressive, has metastasized and is incurable.

October 14, Brain CT Scan at American Fork Hospital checking to see if the cancer has spread to the brain.

October 18, Will meet this Monday with the Oncologist to discuss pathological and brain scan findings and possible treatment options.

October 19, Will meet with lung, throat, and heart specialist as a follow up to the pleurodesis surgery.

Preparing for a Rainy Day

2010-10-14T12:16:00.006-06:00

Several years ago, when I was first called as a young Bishop, I visited a family whose husband was dying of cancer. Neither the woman, husband or son were members of our Church but the missionaries had visited with them and we as a Church felt that we could and should provide some assistance. For the next several months we brought in meals and many of us, including myself, visited on a nearly daily basis.

Over time the sick man regained some health and surprised us by asking to be baptized. I want to add that our motivation in visiting this family was not to add them as members of our Church but in the course of our visits we naturally discussed and answered questions concerning religion.

On Saturday afternoon, we held a small service in which we baptized the man and son. It was very touching and I was proud of how our members unselfishley provided service and care to this family. It is common for those dying of cancer to experience this renewal of strength before death. Often a day or two or even a few hours before death, the person has a surge of energy, wakes up, becomes alert, can sometimes eat or talk and can spend some quality time with loved ones. This is a very precious time because it normally doesn't last long, as most people become unconscious (unresponsive) hours or days before they stop breathing.

As death approached I again met with the wife to help discuss funeral arrangements. In the coarse of this discussion I was alarmed to learn that there was no life insurance or any savings. This couple was well into their 50's and I wondered how it was possible for people not to make even the basic financial preparations.

Today we met with our financial adviser. He lives in Denver but was in Utah for the weekend and came by for a visit. I don't want anyone to think that I am bragging or boasting but I have been saving and preparing for retirement for at least 20 years. Not that I want to retire but I wanted to be prepared when the time did come.

We are not rich people in the new measurement of assets but have mostly paid for things as we went and have been diligent in adding to our investments. I have never really been interested in money or finances. We never hit a financial home run but started early and consistently added to our investments through economic up turns and down turns. Of course, I have been blessed to have had a good and steady source of income for many years. Additionally, I have a sizable life insurance policy, long term nursing care insurance, health insurance and a disability policy. When I bought the nursing care insurance I thought that it might be a waste of money but now it appears that I just might use it.

As we discussed our financial status it became clear that my wife will have her future income needs met. It is a great comfort to know that money is the least of our concerns at this time.

As none of us knows what the future might hold, I would suggest that we all make some preparations. Minimally we all need some amount of life insurance. If you are young there is the possibility of remarrying but I would think that you need at least five years of income. Secondly, everyone needs to be putting away money for that proverbial rainy day. It will come. Frankly, if you do not have sufficient income to save 10 percent then you might be living beyond your means. Of course you need to make adjustments to this advise according to your position in life. Students and young married couples raising a family may find it difficult to save money. Still, you should council with your spouse and a competent financial adviser about a long term strategy and short term steps that you can implement.

I think life is like a Monopoly game. I feel that I was able to be in a position to win. But rather than take the risk of losing I just might have to get mad and take my game home.

The Cost of Pride

2010-10-12T18:25:00.002-06:00

Roger Miller wrote a little song about pride and the cost of pride between a husband and wife.

Two broken hearts lonely looking like
houses where nobody lives.
Two people each having so much pride
inside
Neither side forgives.

The angry words spoken in haste,
Such a waste of two lives,
It's my belief,
Pride is the chief cause and the decline
in the number of husbands and wives.

Although I agree with Roger that pride is the chief cause and the decline in the number of husbands and wives, I am also concerned about my family members who refuse to speak or visit each other.

Years ago I was a Scoutmaster in our Colorado Ward. Although it can be fun, scouting is in many ways a thankless job. I had just returned from a winter campout late Saturday evening. I had taken the boys cross-country skiing and camping. LDS scout troops do not camp over Sunday so our trips tend to be short leaving Friday afternoon and returning the following Saturday evening.

I was at the Church waiting for parents to pick up their boys. Although I was also tired and cold, I had to wait until all the boys were picked up before I could return home myself. One father was very irate because he felt that I returned too late interrupting his Saturday night date. His son was expected to babysit and I had gotten him back too late. I, in turn, became defensive and angry because of his audacity to complain again me. We didn’t come to fist blows but we did engage in a bit of heated shouting.

A few years later I had moved to another area of the city and was serving as the High Priest’s Group Leader in our Ward. Essentially, my role was to look after the well being of the older men. We taught lessons on Sunday and visited the quorum members during the week. I had two assistants as well as members to teach lessons and help with the visits. During this time my prior friend also moved into the Ward. He was having marital problems, his wife had temporarily moved out, and he was very lonely. As part of my Church role I visited him and even called him to be one of my assistants. We worked together for a year or more and developed a good friendship. I am happy to say that his wife did return and the last I heard they were enjoying a happy marriage.

The point is that life is too short and relationships too dear to let them waste through pride. It’s time to let it go and get back together. Let’s not have to wait for another funeral before we talk to each other again.

C'mon people now,
Smile on your brother
Ev'rybody get together
Try and love one another right now
Right now
Right now!
(Get Together, The Youngbloods)

Working Out

2010-10-12T12:00:00.003-06:00

I went back to the gym today. I didn't do much but rode the stationary bicycle and walked on the treadmill. I do not want to lose whatever fitness I have left. I've started and quit exercise programs many times in the past and can tell you that it is not fun starting over. So I am going to push myself until I can start running and lifting weights again.

Three years ago Kathy and I joined a gym and hired a trainer. We meet with the trainer three times a week and do cardio the other days. It's been great fun and an enjoyable activity to do as a couple. I exercised daily for nearly three years before this cancer break. Working out didn't stop the cancer from forming but I believe that it will help with coping with it.

Ward Fast

2010-10-10T19:49:00.001-06:00

Today our Ward held a fast for our family.

Again, for non LDS people, a LDS Ward is equivalent to a Congregation. Where we live Wards are found every few city blocks. Our Ward has 64 families with probably 320 members. We fast each month where we go without food for two meals followed by a testimony meeting where we attempt to build each other's faith. In addition to fasting we also donate the cost of those meals to the Ward where they are used to provide relief to those needing short-term financial support. Many members donate far more than the cost of the meals although there are no monetary requirements.

I thought that the meeting might be a bit uncomfortable because I don't enjoy being in the spotlight. However, the meeting was wonderful. Following our 3 hour block meetings we met as a Ward in the chapel. The Bishop opened the meeting explaining to the members the purpose of fast. One of our Home Teachers offered a prayer. It was heartfelt and sincere.

A Home Teacher is a man who is assigned to visit our family each month and to look after our welfare. We have two wonderful Home Teachers who are very interested and have great love for us. It's great to be LDS!

Generally, I am feeling much better excepting for night sweats. I sweat so much that I have to change my undergarments each night and then I crawl back into a wet bed. The smell makes me nauseous so I go downstairs for a few hours and catch up on sports center. We have three bedrooms up stairs and I can sleep in any of them. I think starting tonight when I get up I'll just change to another bed. It makes a bit of work for Kathy to wash and change the sheets each day but I suppose that this might be a permanent condition.

Thanks to all of you who have sent me emails and made phone calls. It is much appreciated. But don't forget about Eric Jackson and Andy Young in the mission field and Richard Jackson who is assigned to Baghdad.

Purpose in All Things

2010-10-09T09:46:00.005-06:00

I enjoyed a great night of sleep last night. It's been a week since my surgery and I am beginning to recover nicely. Yesterday, I actually cleaned my office and did a little work. A couple of significant events have occurred these last few days.

First, I watched the movie "Letters to God". This is a movie concerning a young boy who through writing and mailing letters to God has a profound effect upon his family and community. It is a wonderful movie and leaves me with the question how I can turn my cancer into something of value. I do believe that it is possible and that God can have a purpose in this.

Second, I had thought that my illness would derail my PhD plans. Not true. Dr. Kent Seamons emailed me that BYU still wants and would welcome me. Here is the contents of his email:

In terms of the program, my attitude is total flexibility. We should send out your acceptance letter in a few days. At any point you may decide you can't pursue this and you need to focus on family and health. I completely understand that and you should feel free to do that at any time. On the other hand, you may want to pursue your degree to have something else to focus on and to keep pursuing your dreams. I would also support that, and I can be quite flexible in when and how you make progress. You aren't taking a slot away from someone else, so don't worry about that. To the fullest extent that I can, I will support you in what you choose to do.

Kent is a very good man. Upon reflection I feel strongly that God does want me to pursue this degree for whatever his purposes might be. So, I am going to proceed as I had planned.

Pleurodesesis

2010-10-08T21:17:00.008-06:00

October 6, 2010

I left the hospital and returned home today. I was in the hospital for a pleurodesis. This is an painful procedure in which talc is sprayed into the rib cage to cause irritation between the parietal and layers of the pleura which closes off the space between them and prevents fluid from accumulation. That's a lot of big words which I had no prior knowledge of. One positive aspect of these recent events is that my medical vocabulary is rapidly expanding.

Earlier, in August, I started having difficulty breathing. Specifically, climbing the stairs to our bedroom and getting into bed left me breathless. Also, increasingly, I had difficulty finishing my workout at the gym and had to drop out. Clearly, this wasn't normal so I went back to the doctor for a checkup.

A chest x-ray showed an accumulation of fluid between the layers of tissue that line the lungs and chest cavity. The medical term for this is a pleural effusion. The fluid was drained by a procedure known as a thoracentesis in which a plastic catheter is inserted through the back and into the chest wall. The fluid is then vacuumed out. I had an accumulation of 2 liters of fluid. The result of all of this fluid is that the lung was crumbled into a small fist effectively closing off its ability to expand and take in air.

There are a number of reasons for a pleural effusion. The most common one is the failure of the left ventricle of the heart, also known as congestive heart failure. Leaky blood vessels are another cause of pleural effusion. Leaky blood vessels are caused because of lung diseases. Some of the most common causes are lung infections, tuberculosis, pneumonia, breast cancer and lung cancer. I was hoping for tuberculosis because it is easily treated.

Sadly, a PET scan and tissue biopsies showed lung cancer. I have a large tumor in my upper left lung chamber, another tumor in my left pelvic bone and multiple nodules in the chest cavity. Because of the number of nodules the tumors cannot be surgically removed. Also, the cancer is considered non-curable. All that can be done is to shrink the tumors and stop the cancer from spreading.

Without treatment the oncologist has estimated that I have 6 months of life remaining. The standard treatment is chemo which can lengthen that time to 5 years. However, other treatments are available which may give even better results. We are to visit with the oncologist again on the 18th of October for a treatment plan.

It goes without speaking that this is a surprising and sobering experience. Yet I am generally calm and resigned to my fate. Resigned is too fatalist, actually I look forward to the future with faith and a desire to use this experience for good. I know that there must be a way to turn this way into an uplifting experience.

Priesthood Blessings

2010-10-08T21:16:00.005-06:00

October 4, 2010

Tonight, my son Kris gave me a priesthood blessing. I am so thankful for a worthy son. I cannot ask for more. I than gave my wife Kathy a blessing of peace as she undergoes these next few months. She is my eternal companion because our marriage has been sealed for eternity and while not perfect we have tried to live worthy of such a blessing. I feel assured that our sealing has been validated.

For those of you not familiar with LDS lingo, a priesthood blessing is a blessing given by one who holds the Priesthood. The priesthood is the power to act in God's name. In the Mormon faith, all worthy males over the age of twelve can hold the priesthood, not just a select clergy or chosen few.

Anyone seeking divine counsel can receive a priesthood blessing. The power of the blessing to heal, comfort, and inform is manifested through the faith of the receiver and the Priesthood holder. Priesthood blessings are given on a variety of occasions, including the blessing of babies, confirming members of the church, healing the sick, and ordaining men to the priesthood. Priesthood blessings can be given during times of illness or injury, or when a person is seeking comfort from the Lord. I used to give my children a blessing at the start of each school year or when an important event was to occur for which they were nervous.

When a personal blessing is given, the priesthood holder seeks promptings from the Holy Ghost to know the needs of the individual and inspiration as to what to say in the blessing. On certain occasions, oil consecrated for the healing of the sick is used in the blessing. Two elders are needed in the case of using consecrated oil. One seals the blessing with a drop of oil placed on the head of the seeker, and the other pronounces a blessing through the promptings of the Lord.

In order to give priesthood blessings, priesthood-holders must keep themselves worthy of this divine and sacred power. The purpose of a priesthood blessing is to provide healing, comfort, and counsel to the person seeking it.

It should be noted that though powerful and miraculous healings can occur when priesthood blessings are given, this is not always the case. Members of Church seek medical care when they are sick, and sometimes a priesthood blessing counsels the seeker to do just that. Sometimes a priesthood blessing is given to a person who is dying, and the promptings of the Holy Ghost are that the person should not be healed, but sent on his way with words of comfort. I have given two such blessings to those who shortly passed on.

In either event a priesthood blessing provides comfort and increased faith especially when given by those sharing a special relationship as in father to son.

Waking in the Hospital

2010-10-08T21:10:00.003-06:00

October 4, 2010

I've been diagnosed with stage 4 level cancer. Currently, I am in Utah Valley hospital. Tonight I woke and couldn't remember why I was here. Then I recalled that I am dying of cancer. How weird is that?