Cowboy Halloween, Part 2

This Friday evening we held our family Halloween show and party. Besides playing some music, we had soup and deserts, a favorite costume contest and kids games. Of course, the whole place we richly decorated as pertaining to the season. Friends and Family of all 4 members of the band came bringing in a crowd of around 80 people. It was a monster bash!

Aaron came as a punk kid!




















Kari used her witchcraft to keep the kids in line...




















with a little help from grandpa.














Lorna, reverted back to her Delta 4-H Days




















The inspector brought his pink panther and the little thief. Plus a couple of cute extras.




















Stephanie and Kurt came as as French pastry chef and his beautiful gypsy wife.




















Mr. Brawny had a great costume and made the best chili!




















And don't forget the Batman family (Anne, Andy and Drew)














Of course, liberal Utah Phil protested for black power!




















Michael and Jen pulled a baby from a hat. So that's how its done?















A little harmonica on "Mary Jane's Last Dance"














After all, it was a concert and I gave it my best effort














to squeeze out a few bars before passing out!














Thanks everyone for coming. Next is our rocking 'Christmas party!

Munster's Theme

Cowboy Halloween, Part 1

I admit that I was not country when country wasn’t cool. In fact, I don’t particularly enjoy modern country. It’s so formulaic and predictable from the cowboy hat down to the boots. Current artists reminisce about Texas, front porch swings and tractors while they jet from their Nashville mansions to engage in sullied affairs in tropical locals.

But by and large western music has always been a hoax. Most singers croon about “Blue Montana Skies”, “Autumn on the Trail” and “Ridin’ Down the Canyon,” but chances are they’ve never seen a longhorn stampede or felt the saddle sores that come with rounding up a herd and driving it to market.

Although the old west has always existed more as myth than reality occasionally you can still catch a glimpse if you wander out west along the Deep Creek Mountains in western Utah or drive along the Skyview drive. One day, I remember, rounding a corner on my motorcycle heading down towards Huntington to encounter a full racked Texan longhorn sashaying down the middle of the road. Move along little doggie.

Still, slide on a pair of cowboy boots, a stiff hat and Sunday going-to-meeting shirt and you feel, well, rugged and manly like the Marlboro man. Add an acoustic guitar and you can be the Fireman, George Strait.

Yesterday I met with Guy Randle to plan a recording session. I have a few more tunes in my head that I would like to get to disk. I had planned on doing this a couple of years ago as a Christmas gift for Kathy but other things pushed it off. The great thing about being on a timer now is that you are less likely to put off the important things.

So Guy and I put down a demo track and then discussed the instrumentation and artists. I could do this simple and solo but I’m not that type of guy. I like a production that I can be proud of and leave behind. So we are going to hire the best studio musicians to bring this to life: Ryan Shupe on fiddle (Ryan Shupe and the Rubberband), Rich Dixon (friend and lead guitarist for the Osmonds), Todd Sorensen (drummer, composer, producer), Jeff Hinton (Joshua Creek lead singer), Guy Randall on Mandolin and myself on acoustic guitar.

Studio artists charge for a session period which is usually a couple of hours. My one little song will hardly fill that so I’ve got to put something else together. Fortunately, I have just the tune. For our twenty year wedding anniversary Kathy and I went to Maui and Oahu, Hawaii. Somewhere around Turtle Bay a tune popped into my head which just won’t go away. How do you put together western swing with the sound of the islands? It will a challenge but fun.

Denver Friends and Response

We received the following cards in the mail yesterday from some dear friends in Denver where I served as Bishop. We were so touched by their love and concern for us. I appreciated it very much.

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Dear Friends, The news of your health problem was a shock ~ we are so sorry. Our prayers are with you. May you have our Heavenly Fathers arms to be around you and support you during this difficult time. We love you - you have many friends here who love and will pray for you. We remember your years here as the Bishop. I will always remember one Sunday you, Bishop, asked me if I could please play the organ a little softer - and I said "NO"! I need to repent! Our thoughts and prayers will be with you.
Steve and Marie Carpenter

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Dear Ken & Kathy
May you know our love and prayers are with you. May you feel the Lords tender mercies and his loving arms around you. You are so loved.
Jim and Donna Johnson

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Ken & Kathy
Love & prayers go to you at this time. I know your faith and strength will be such a blessing at this time. Wishing you the best with the treatments and care you will be receiving.
Love Dorothy & Rick

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Dear Brother Hendricks & Family
I can't imagine how difficult this is and will be for you. I do not know you - but I have heard many nice things about you & and your family. I know many who love you & are great friends with your family. Your example has gone beyond them & touched lives. I pray you feel the love of our Savior and Father in Heaven during this time. You will be in our prayers.
Love, the Bott Family

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Bishop & Kathy
We are extremely sorry to hear about your recent diagnosis. We will pray for your comfort as you go through this very, very hard time. We love you and know that the Lord will bless you both through this. You are strong. Your testimonies will carry you through this.
Love, Sister DeAnne Smith

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Dear Hendricks Family,
We want to send our love to your family. We will keep you in our prayers. May the Lord comfort you, and may you feel his love round about you.
Love, Clark & Lynnea Anderson

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Dear Bro Hendricks
We are sending our love to you and your family. The Lords works in mysterious ways!! There is love in the Gospel!!
Love, The Shaws

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Dear Hendricks Family
So sorry to hear about Ken. You are in our thoughts and prayers. May you feel the love and strength from Heavenly Father to help with this trial in your life. We love you!
The Nielsen Family

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Dear Bishop Hendricks
Please be comforted at this time! You are a dear man and have been loved and appreciated by your righteous service in your Priesthood. You are in our prayers.
Ailiene Coclcuham & Brittany Gallagher

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Dear Bishop Hendricks & Kathy
I have always been so appreciative of my joy and pleasure to be considered your friend and Sister in the Gospel. I loved serving with you -- we had a variety of good & and interesting experiences, didn't we. Of course, my prayers are with you and yours, as you face what lies ahead. I will join my strength with your strength and faith... and we'll go from there... much love always,
Carly Garza

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Dear Ken & Kathy
We love you! We are so grateful we could fast for your family. We have a strong testimony of fasting. We know the comfort that comes to us through others love. Our first association with you was when we sat in your Bishop's office. Several of us parents were there trying to figure out our boys and the trials they were putting us through. We were always grateful that we could all work together as parents and friends. You are very good, strong people. You have testimonies of our Savior and his atonement. We are personally grateful our Savior loved us so much to take upon himself our sadness and paid the heartache! We will always remember you in our thoughts and prayers.
Love, Wade, Ann & Mike Hancey

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Dear Bishop and Kathy
We love you! I am so grateful that our paths crossed. You are amazing people - so string and so faithful. Thank you for your examples. You are truly elect people. Treasure every moment.
Michelle Ballard

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Bishop Hendricks
We were so sad to hear about your illness!! Know that you are in our prayers and our thoughts.
Love, Doug, Miquel Hamilton

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Dear Ken & Kathy
My thought and prayers are with you. I love you and thank you for all that you have done for me.
I love you! Cindy Johnson

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Bishop Hendricks
My husband and I moved into the ward after you were released as Bishop so we didn’t have the privilege of knowing you and your family but we wish you the best and hope you will all feel the loving arms of the Savior all around you as you endure this trial. May you find comfort through your faith in Christ and Heavenly father's plan of eternal life.
The Tweeddale Family

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Dear Bishop & Kathy Hendricks
You are in my thoughts and prayers. I know you have a lot of faith and are strong people. You have always been great examples to me. I am still indebted to you for all you did for my family. I have talked to my children and Karly, Brittny, & Ryan send their love. My girls are going to call Kari. I love you and your family and pray you will be blessed with peace and comfort to endure this trial.
Love, Debbie Burrows

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Michelle, could you please deliver this response to the Bishop and have it read to the members. Thank you.

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Dear Clement Park Friends,

Thank you so much for your generous thoughts and prayers. They are so appreciated. One of the greatest blessings that I have ever enjoyed was being your Bishop. Looking back it wasn’t fair to the other Bishops in the Stake because I had such an easy time given the strength of our Ward. It was truly a Camelot period. I always knew that whatever the Stake or I asked of you, you would respond.

We all grow older, experience life’s hardships and its moments of thrills and delights. While we have had some difficulties ourselves, Kathy and I choose to focus on our blessings of which we have many. Our greatest blessings have been our children – children which many of you influenced for good. I cannot even express to you my feelings as I recently lay in a hospital bed and was ministered to by a righteous son and son-in-law. I would have happily passed there having had everything a man could reasonably want.

I always wanted to return and live in Colorado again, to see the blue skies, cheer for the Broncos (maybe not this year), to stroll around Clement Park Lake, to reflect at the High School and to be reunited with you. I was never able to completely move on after having experienced Colorado. I think that I left my heart behind when we came to Utah. I may not get that chance again but I will never forget you and what you given to our family.

I am at peace with my illness and God’s will. If it is his will for me to pass I look forward to reuniting with dearly departed friends and with my son. What a joyous occasion that will be! If I recover and remain in mortality longer I certainly have gained a better appreciation for service and reaching out to those in need.

May the Lord’s blessings remain with you.

Love Always,

Bishop Hendricks

Hair Cut

I want to thank my friend who has also had cancer for sharing with me the following story:

There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror,

and noticed she had only three hairs on her head.

"Well," she said, "I think I'll braid my hair today." So she did and
she had a wonderful day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that she had
only two hairs on her head.

"H-m-m." said said, "I think I'll part my hair down the middle today."
So she did and she had a grand day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that she
had only one hair on her head.

"Well, " she said, "Today I'm going to wear my hair in a
pony tail."

So she did and she had a fun, fun day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that
there wasn't a single hair on her head.

"YEAH !!" she exclaimed, "Hooray I don't have to fix my hair today !!"

Attitude is everything.

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

Live Simply
Love generously
Care deeply
Speak kindly....
Leave the Rest to God

Thanks Michelle!

I started radiation therapy last week which will continue for another two weeks. As I mentioned, it is noninvasive and painless, however, beginning sometime this week I will begin losing my hair. Like the woman in the above joke I’ve decided to be proactive and meet it head-on (pardon the pun). True, this isn’t that cool bald look yet. I’m hoping that I can keep some of it on top but if not then next week I’ll apply the razor blade. I’ve thought of shaving it completely off and applying lime green floresent paint for Halloween as long as it doesn’t frighten the grandchildren too much.

I expect this week to be somewhat quiet. On Friday I did have a CT scan to review the growth of my lung tumors. We are waiting to complete the brain radiation until we begin treating these primary cancer tumors with medication. I eerie thing is that I think that I can feel them growing, it hurts a bit and is disconcerting. If the tumors are growing too fast we will have to begin zapping them this week with radiation also. The argument thus far against radiation is that it kills some healthy lung tissue along with the cancer cells. So it is better to wait for the medication if possible.

Sometime after Thanksgiving and the beginning-of-the year, we plan on making a trip to Washington to see the family. We hope to make the rounds and spend some time with all of you. I look forward to seeing you.

Here are some pictures of the some of the grandkids and I getting our haircuts.














(Kenneth Charles (age 4)













Parker Bryan (age 6)













And when I die, and when I'm gone
there'll be, one child born
in this world
to carry on, to carry on

Laura Nyro (she wrote this song that was done by Blood, Sweat and Tears)
October 18, 1947 – April 8, 1997

Radiation Treatment and Other Endulgences

Today, I had my second radiation treatment. I'll have 14 of these aimed to eradicate any cancer cells in my brain. The way this is done is that you lay flat on a bench with you feet tied together and your head screwed down. They don't bore holes into your head but have previously made a special mask which is placed over your head and then bolted down.

The therapy is short and painless. There is a white flash on the right side followed by a blue horizontal energy bar followed by some noises as the internal chipmunks wake up and bang against the drums. The process is repeated on the left side and then you are done.

I didn't notice any side effects. The right side flash did bother my eye yesterday but not today. Also, I went camping last weekend with Parker and KC and developed a cough on top of the cough I already have from the cancer. Parker and KC lasted until about 9:30 before they went into the house. I guess the cowboy room has more appeal than the tent. I stayed outdoors until 2:30 am enjoying the night air and crickets. But despite three air mattresses I couldn't get comfortable and also surrendered to a soft and warm bed.

I guess the worst side effect is the long term loss of cognitive powers. Just think how many beers I could have drunk and gotten the same effect!

I tend to cough a lot now especially when I am lying down. I held the cough as long as I could while I was having the therapy but finally couldn't suppress it and had a coughing fit during the treatment. Of course, you can't move your head too much, which is good. Imagine if you jerked your head and took a dose in your eye or ear. Say deaf and blind. As soon as I began coughing the technicans cut the treatment short.

Aside for that, all is going well. Tonight I look forward to watching 'The Middle' and 'Modern Family' and taking it easy. Also I'm indulging myself in two weaknesses besides Ben and Jerry's ice cream.

First, I have a love for books, especially teen books such as; The Chronicals of Narnia, The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings, Cirque Du Freak, Hatchett, and My Side of the Mountain. For many years I have mostly read history and professional books but hey, life is for living.

I have recently read the 12 books in the Darren Shan series (Cirque Du Freak). I got a Amazon Kindle for Christmas last year. The cool thing about it is that you can select and purchase a book just about anywhere anytime. I started reading the Darren Shan book and every other day, zing,

I would have to buy another book . I also read the 4 Brian Hatchett books, and 3 books of "My Side of the Mountain". They are short and allow your soul to roam.

At night I am re-reading 'Magic Mountain' by Thomas Mann which is definitely not a kids book and should only be ventured by the brave and enduring reader. If you look on Amazon you will find gushing reviews, however, before I recommend this to everyone beware that not everyone has the same view:

"At the risk of being labelled a Philistine, I declare that this book is one of the most insufferably boring tomes that has ever made it onto my bedside table. I admit that I only struggled my way through the first 170 pages, but that was enough to convince me that I should not waste any more minutes of my precious life wading through any more of this drivel.

I know, I have also been chastised for criticising modern art in the same way. Tracey Emin's "Unmade Bed" and Thomas Mann's "The Magic Mountain" will just have to live in the pile of junk that I fail to understand.

I realise that I am in the minority, as most reviewers and professors of literature believe this to be a masterpiece, and probably the best book to come out of Germany in the twentieth century. Then again, Hans Christian Anderson's boy who recognised the nakedness of his Emperor as those around him admired the splendour and wonderful colours of their leader's new clothes, was also in the minority. "

I am reading 'Prayer' by Philip Yancey. Philip Yancey was for many years an editor for Christianity Today and wrote articles for Reader's Digest, The Saturday Evening Post, Publishers Weekly, Chicago Tribune Magazine, Eternity, Moody Monthly, and National Wildlife, among others. He is not LDS but his works appeal to all denominations equally. I know some people will object to reading authors from outside of their immediate religous affiliation. That is nonsense. No one has a monopoly on religous thought and there are many good, educated, and insightful authors who write for the intent on helping us lay people better understand the workings of God.

I have read many of his works but perhaps his most thought provoking book is 'The Jesus I Never Knew'. I heartily endorse this book to all of my family - those who attend a church and those who do not.

Also, I am purchasing a bit of music. Actually, I am always purchasing and enjoying music. I suppose that we all have our vices. I love all kinds of music, at least what I call music, and am enjoying the great work produced during the last 50 years. Actually, I don't think there has been much good stuff done since the mid '80s, but that is my opinion. I do like John Meyer and Maroon Five. In the last few month I have purchased:

'Face the Music' by ELO,

'Foot Loose & Fancy Free' by Rod Stewart,

'Every Picture Tells a Story' by Rod Stewart,

'The Very Best of War' by War,

'Why Can't We Be Friends', by War,

'The World Is a Ghetto', by War,

'From Donny...With Love', by Donny Osmond (I have a weak spot for soft sounds),

'Love Songs of the '70s', by Donny Osmond,

'Hurdy Gurdy Man' by Donovan,

'A Day at the Races' by Queen

'A Night at the Opera' by Queen,

'The Very Best of the Sytlistics',

'Houses of the Holy' by Led Zeppelin,

'Raising Sand' by Robert Plant & Alison Krauss,

'The Best of Earth, Wind and Fire'

Today I bought new album by Elton John and Leon Russell. You can probably skip it.

I hope that when I die someone will put an iPod in my coffin.

More Good News

Today I met with Lung and Heart specialists for the last time. They took an x-ray of my chest and found that the pleurodesis has succeeded perfectly and that I had graduated from their care. They also expressed their appreciation that I was thin and in good shape. "It is so much easier to work on people who are in good physical condition", the PA said. I nearly bust my buttons.

I also had a conference call with Verizon, one of my work clients. I had debated about informing them of my cancer fearing that they would become nervous and look for another provider, however, in the end I chose to inform them of my condition because,

1) I have worked with these people for many years and count them as friends. If I have to go through this ordeal I want the support from my friends, and

2) It is only ethical to let them know as it effects their business.

I believe that I will be able to function for them for the next few years and that they will continue to use my services. But in any event, I will always appreciate and have fond feelings for those of my Bell friends.

Results Day

Today was a day of good news, well relatively good news. When you are dealing with any life threatening illness you can see the glass half empty or half full. I prefer to look on the positive side. Several years ago I knew a woman who had a negative outlook on life. She was diagnosed with cancer and died within a few months. While I don’t think that a positive attitude will necessarily heal all wounds it is proven that faith and a positive outlook goes a long way towards successful treatment.

I still have Lung Cancer and it has spread to my brain. The good news regarding the brain tumors is that they are small and the physicians are confident they can be zapped into oblivion with radiation therapy. Beginning tomorrow afternoon I start 14 days radiation therapy.

Radiation therapy doesn’t hurt, that is good news. The notable side effect is physical fatigue and hair loss. So this weekend I will join the ranks of the follicle impaired shaving my hair. For Halloween, all I will need is a light bulb to go as Uncle Fester. I'm told that the hair may or may not regrow.

The other good news is that my particular type of lung cancer can be treated with Tarceva. Tarceva is a wonder drug which has greater success than traditional chemo therapy. It’s a pill you take in the morning and the side effects are minimal. It just doesn’t work for all types of cancer but it does work for mine.

Tarceva will not cure my cancer. It remains terminal; however, for the first time since I was first diagnosed, physicians are talking about years of life not months. I’d say that is pretty positive!

American Glory Guitar

On one of our many trips to and from southern Utah I noticed a sign along I-15 advertising custom guitars and basses. Eventually I did a search on google for custom guitars in Utah. After some searching I found Treker guitars. Treker is owned by the Bunker father and son combination. The senior Dave Bunker resides in Washington state and the younger lives just north of Mona.

Their player lists contains guitarists from BTO; the Osmonds; Heart, Earth, Wind and Fire; Alabama; Fire Fall; Chris Ledoux; Eric Clapton; the Allman Brothers; Red Hot Chili Peppers; the Spin Doctors; Poco and the Eagles; and the US Navy Band.

Next I checked out their instrument catalog. There I found my holy grail of guitars, the American Glory 20. I had wanted a flag guitar for several years for our summer gigs. I had even debated building an American Flag guitar myself but wasn’t sure that I could do it justice.

I considered purchasing a Buck Owens Fender Telecaster. Most of you won’t know who Buck Owens was but he was one of the first modern country artists. I remember watching him on television when he traded his trade mark butch hair cut in for longer hair. He was also the star of Hee Haw which ran from 1969 through 1986. However, I already own three Telecasters and wanted something more musically versatile.

After finding the Treker website I pulled the trigger and ordered a custom American Glory last spring hoping to have the guitar by the end of July for our summer gigs. He didn’t get it completed for last summer but I still hope to use it next summer.

I had suspected that Dave Bunker belonged to the Apostolic United Brethern group located at Rocky Ridge. Rocky Ridge is north of Mona on the west side of the highway. They run a cabinet manufacturing business making some of the nicest cabinets in Utah. The AUB has between 6,000 and 9,000 members located primarily in Utah and Mexico. They have an endowment house south of Bluffdale which you can see off of the freeway at the point of the Mountain.

The AUB's members tend to integrate with their surrounding communities, much more so than some other Mormon fundamentalists. This can largely be attributed to the AUB's former prophet, Owen A. Allred, and his desire to be up front with local law enforcement and the news media, especially when it came to ending rumors of underage, arranged marriages that many other fundamentalist Mormon groups were known for. Allred believed that transparency was key in helping the community see that the AUB and its members were not a threat.

We found the community to be very friendly and open. We waited for Dave at his home where his wife Marilynn was getting their son ready for a scout camping trip. I suspect that there was more than one wife in the household but didn't see any other adults. I was impressed with the pictures of Joseph Smith, Brigham Young and Christ which adorned their home.

Dave arrived took us to his shop for a short tour. It had to be short because the dust in the air irritated my lungs and caused a coughing fit. I have been fortunate to have toured the Martin, Fender, and Louviere guitar factories and Kamaka Ukulele factory this September in Hawaii. Most manufacturers use computer controlled routers and advanced spraying booths to keep quality up and costs down. Dave has access to the same advanced equipment through his association with the cabinet business.

After leaving Mona we stopped briefly at the Red Barn in Santaquin. From there we got back on the highway to return to Highland. As we were entering the highway Dave and a couple of other fathers loaded down in their mini Vans and Suburbans with scouts passed us heading out for a weekend camping trip. Thanks Dave and good luck on the camping trip.

How Many Doctors Does It Take To Screw In A Light Bulb?

Q: How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Three. One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare.

Q: How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change.

Q: How many dentists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Just one, but the soonest he can do it is in two months.

Q: How many people from New Jersey does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Three. One to change the light bulb, one to be a witness, and the third to shoot the witness.

Q: How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done.

Q: How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Three, but they're really only one.

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: How many can you afford?

Q: How many football players does it take to change a light bulb?

A: The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!

Q: How many `Real Men' does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None: `Real Men' aren't afraid of the dark.

The real question is “how many Doctor’s appointments” does it take to diagnose cancer? So far the tally is 13 not counting the five days I spent in the hospital following my pleurodesis.

July, Visit with Primary Care Physician (PCP) about pain in my side. He concludes without examination that I had bruised a rib which would soon heal.

September 13, Visit with my PCP. Complained again about the pain in my side and shortness of breath. PCP suggests a blood test and echo cardiogram of my heart.

September 15, Had the echo cardiogram at American Fork Hospital.

September 16, Follow up visit with my PCP. The echo cardiogram had found fluid around my heart. Doctor orders a chest x-ray and lung capacity test.

September 20, Chest x-ray at American Fork Hospital. The x-ray shows substantial fluid build-up in my right lung cavity. PCP orders a thoracentese to drain the fluid.

September 23, Met again with PCP. He suggests a meeting with a lung, throat, heart specialist.

September 24, TB test at PCP.

September 28, Met with heart, lung, and throat specialist, Dr. Dane who orders a PET scan and schedules surgery for the upcoming Friday.

Sept 29, Pre surgery preparation and PET scan at Utah Valley Hospital.

October 1, Met again with Dr. Dane. The PET scan shows strong evidence of advanced cancer. Have pleurodesis surgery and remain in the hospital until October 6th. On the 6th the Pathologist gives his report that the cancer is advanced, aggressive, has metastasized and is incurable.

October 14, Brain CT Scan at American Fork Hospital checking to see if the cancer has spread to the brain.

October 18, Will meet this Monday with the Oncologist to discuss pathological and brain scan findings and possible treatment options.

October 19, Will meet with lung, throat, and heart specialist as a follow up to the pleurodesis surgery.

Preparing for a Rainy Day

Several years ago, when I was first called as a young Bishop, I visited a family whose husband was dying of cancer. Neither the woman, husband or son were members of our Church but the missionaries had visited with them and we as a Church felt that we could and should provide some assistance. For the next several months we brought in meals and many of us, including myself, visited on a nearly daily basis.

Over time the sick man regained some health and surprised us by asking to be baptized. I want to add that our motivation in visiting this family was not to add them as members of our Church but in the course of our visits we naturally discussed and answered questions concerning religion.

On Saturday afternoon, we held a small service in which we baptized the man and son. It was very touching and I was proud of how our members unselfishley provided service and care to this family. It is common for those dying of cancer to experience this renewal of strength before death. Often a day or two or even a few hours before death, the person has a surge of energy, wakes up, becomes alert, can sometimes eat or talk and can spend some quality time with loved ones. This is a very precious time because it normally doesn't last long, as most people become unconscious (unresponsive) hours or days before they stop breathing.

As death approached I again met with the wife to help discuss funeral arrangements. In the coarse of this discussion I was alarmed to learn that there was no life insurance or any savings. This couple was well into their 50's and I wondered how it was possible for people not to make even the basic financial preparations.

Today we met with our financial adviser. He lives in Denver but was in Utah for the weekend and came by for a visit. I don't want anyone to think that I am bragging or boasting but I have been saving and preparing for retirement for at least 20 years. Not that I want to retire but I wanted to be prepared when the time did come.

We are not rich people in the new measurement of assets but have mostly paid for things as we went and have been diligent in adding to our investments. I have never really been interested in money or finances. We never hit a financial home run but started early and consistently added to our investments through economic up turns and down turns. Of course, I have been blessed to have had a good and steady source of income for many years. Additionally, I have a sizable life insurance policy, long term nursing care insurance, health insurance and a disability policy. When I bought the nursing care insurance I thought that it might be a waste of money but now it appears that I just might use it.

As we discussed our financial status it became clear that my wife will have her future income needs met. It is a great comfort to know that money is the least of our concerns at this time.

As none of us knows what the future might hold, I would suggest that we all make some preparations. Minimally we all need some amount of life insurance. If you are young there is the possibility of remarrying but I would think that you need at least five years of income. Secondly, everyone needs to be putting away money for that proverbial rainy day. It will come. Frankly, if you do not have sufficient income to save 10 percent then you might be living beyond your means. Of course you need to make adjustments to this advise according to your position in life. Students and young married couples raising a family may find it difficult to save money. Still, you should council with your spouse and a competent financial adviser about a long term strategy and short term steps that you can implement.

I think life is like a Monopoly game. I feel that I was able to be in a position to win. But rather than take the risk of losing I just might have to get mad and take my game home.

The Cost of Pride

Roger Miller wrote a little song about pride and the cost of pride between a husband and wife.

Two broken hearts lonely looking like
houses where nobody lives.
Two people each having so much pride
inside
Neither side forgives.

The angry words spoken in haste,
Such a waste of two lives,
It's my belief,
Pride is the chief cause and the decline
in the number of husbands and wives.

Although I agree with Roger that pride is the chief cause and the decline in the number of husbands and wives, I am also concerned about my family members who refuse to speak or visit each other.

Years ago I was a Scoutmaster in our Colorado Ward. Although it can be fun, scouting is in many ways a thankless job. I had just returned from a winter campout late Saturday evening. I had taken the boys cross-country skiing and camping. LDS scout troops do not camp over Sunday so our trips tend to be short leaving Friday afternoon and returning the following Saturday evening.

I was at the Church waiting for parents to pick up their boys. Although I was also tired and cold, I had to wait until all the boys were picked up before I could return home myself. One father was very irate because he felt that I returned too late interrupting his Saturday night date. His son was expected to babysit and I had gotten him back too late. I, in turn, became defensive and angry because of his audacity to complain again me. We didn’t come to fist blows but we did engage in a bit of heated shouting.

A few years later I had moved to another area of the city and was serving as the High Priest’s Group Leader in our Ward. Essentially, my role was to look after the well being of the older men. We taught lessons on Sunday and visited the quorum members during the week. I had two assistants as well as members to teach lessons and help with the visits. During this time my prior friend also moved into the Ward. He was having marital problems, his wife had temporarily moved out, and he was very lonely. As part of my Church role I visited him and even called him to be one of my assistants. We worked together for a year or more and developed a good friendship. I am happy to say that his wife did return and the last I heard they were enjoying a happy marriage.

The point is that life is too short and relationships too dear to let them waste through pride. It’s time to let it go and get back together. Let’s not have to wait for another funeral before we talk to each other again.

C'mon people now,
Smile on your brother
Ev'rybody get together
Try and love one another right now
Right now
Right now!
(Get Together, The Youngbloods)

Working Out

I went back to the gym today. I didn't do much but rode the stationary bicycle and walked on the treadmill. I do not want to lose whatever fitness I have left. I've started and quit exercise programs many times in the past and can tell you that it is not fun starting over. So I am going to push myself until I can start running and lifting weights again.

Three years ago Kathy and I joined a gym and hired a trainer. We meet with the trainer three times a week and do cardio the other days. It's been great fun and an enjoyable activity to do as a couple. I exercised daily for nearly three years before this cancer break. Working out didn't stop the cancer from forming but I believe that it will help with coping with it.

Ward Fast

Today our Ward held a fast for our family.

Again, for non LDS people, a LDS Ward is equivalent to a Congregation. Where we live Wards are found every few city blocks. Our Ward has 64 families with probably 320 members. We fast each month where we go without food for two meals followed by a testimony meeting where we attempt to build each other's faith. In addition to fasting we also donate the cost of those meals to the Ward where they are used to provide relief to those needing short-term financial support. Many members donate far more than the cost of the meals although there are no monetary requirements.

I thought that the meeting might be a bit uncomfortable because I don't enjoy being in the spotlight. However, the meeting was wonderful. Following our 3 hour block meetings we met as a Ward in the chapel. The Bishop opened the meeting explaining to the members the purpose of fast. One of our Home Teachers offered a prayer. It was heartfelt and sincere.

A Home Teacher is a man who is assigned to visit our family each month and to look after our welfare. We have two wonderful Home Teachers who are very interested and have great love for us. It's great to be LDS!

Generally, I am feeling much better excepting for night sweats. I sweat so much that I have to change my undergarments each night and then I crawl back into a wet bed. The smell makes me nauseous so I go downstairs for a few hours and catch up on sports center. We have three bedrooms up stairs and I can sleep in any of them. I think starting tonight when I get up I'll just change to another bed. It makes a bit of work for Kathy to wash and change the sheets each day but I suppose that this might be a permanent condition.

Thanks to all of you who have sent me emails and made phone calls. It is much appreciated. But don't forget about Eric Jackson and Andy Young in the mission field and Richard Jackson who is assigned to Baghdad.

Purpose in All Things

I enjoyed a great night of sleep last night. It's been a week since my surgery and I am beginning to recover nicely. Yesterday, I actually cleaned my office and did a little work. A couple of significant events have occurred these last few days.

First, I watched the movie "Letters to God". This is a movie concerning a young boy who through writing and mailing letters to God has a profound effect upon his family and community. It is a wonderful movie and leaves me with the question how I can turn my cancer into something of value. I do believe that it is possible and that God can have a purpose in this.

Second, I had thought that my illness would derail my PhD plans. Not true. Dr. Kent Seamons emailed me that BYU still wants and would welcome me. Here is the contents of his email:

In terms of the program, my attitude is total flexibility. We should send out your acceptance letter in a few days. At any point you may decide you can't pursue this and you need to focus on family and health. I completely understand that and you should feel free to do that at any time. On the other hand, you may want to pursue your degree to have something else to focus on and to keep pursuing your dreams. I would also support that, and I can be quite flexible in when and how you make progress. You aren't taking a slot away from someone else, so don't worry about that. To the fullest extent that I can, I will support you in what you choose to do.

Kent is a very good man. Upon reflection I feel strongly that God does want me to pursue this degree for whatever his purposes might be. So, I am going to proceed as I had planned.

Pleurodesesis

October 6, 2010

I left the hospital and returned home today. I was in the hospital for a pleurodesis. This is an painful procedure in which talc is sprayed into the rib cage to cause irritation between the parietal and layers of the pleura which closes off the space between them and prevents fluid from accumulation. That's a lot of big words which I had no prior knowledge of. One positive aspect of these recent events is that my medical vocabulary is rapidly expanding.

Earlier, in August, I started having difficulty breathing. Specifically, climbing the stairs to our bedroom and getting into bed left me breathless. Also, increasingly, I had difficulty finishing my workout at the gym and had to drop out. Clearly, this wasn't normal so I went back to the doctor for a checkup.

A chest x-ray showed an accumulation of fluid between the layers of tissue that line the lungs and chest cavity. The medical term for this is a pleural effusion. The fluid was drained by a procedure known as a thoracentesis in which a plastic catheter is inserted through the back and into the chest wall. The fluid is then vacuumed out. I had an accumulation of 2 liters of fluid. The result of all of this fluid is that the lung was crumbled into a small fist effectively closing off its ability to expand and take in air.

There are a number of reasons for a pleural effusion. The most common one is the failure of the left ventricle of the heart, also known as congestive heart failure. Leaky blood vessels are another cause of pleural effusion. Leaky blood vessels are caused because of lung diseases. Some of the most common causes are lung infections, tuberculosis, pneumonia, breast cancer and lung cancer. I was hoping for tuberculosis because it is easily treated.

Sadly, a PET scan and tissue biopsies showed lung cancer. I have a large tumor in my upper left lung chamber, another tumor in my left pelvic bone and multiple nodules in the chest cavity. Because of the number of nodules the tumors cannot be surgically removed. Also, the cancer is considered non-curable. All that can be done is to shrink the tumors and stop the cancer from spreading.

Without treatment the oncologist has estimated that I have 6 months of life remaining. The standard treatment is chemo which can lengthen that time to 5 years. However, other treatments are available which may give even better results. We are to visit with the oncologist again on the 18th of October for a treatment plan.

It goes without speaking that this is a surprising and sobering experience. Yet I am generally calm and resigned to my fate. Resigned is too fatalist, actually I look forward to the future with faith and a desire to use this experience for good. I know that there must be a way to turn this way into an uplifting experience.

Priesthood Blessings

October 4, 2010

Tonight, my son Kris gave me a priesthood blessing. I am so thankful for a worthy son. I cannot ask for more. I than gave my wife Kathy a blessing of peace as she undergoes these next few months. She is my eternal companion because our marriage has been sealed for eternity and while not perfect we have tried to live worthy of such a blessing. I feel assured that our sealing has been validated.

For those of you not familiar with LDS lingo, a priesthood blessing is a blessing given by one who holds the Priesthood. The priesthood is the power to act in God's name. In the Mormon faith, all worthy males over the age of twelve can hold the priesthood, not just a select clergy or chosen few.

Anyone seeking divine counsel can receive a priesthood blessing. The power of the blessing to heal, comfort, and inform is manifested through the faith of the receiver and the Priesthood holder. Priesthood blessings are given on a variety of occasions, including the blessing of babies, confirming members of the church, healing the sick, and ordaining men to the priesthood. Priesthood blessings can be given during times of illness or injury, or when a person is seeking comfort from the Lord. I used to give my children a blessing at the start of each school year or when an important event was to occur for which they were nervous.

When a personal blessing is given, the priesthood holder seeks promptings from the Holy Ghost to know the needs of the individual and inspiration as to what to say in the blessing. On certain occasions, oil consecrated for the healing of the sick is used in the blessing. Two elders are needed in the case of using consecrated oil. One seals the blessing with a drop of oil placed on the head of the seeker, and the other pronounces a blessing through the promptings of the Lord.

In order to give priesthood blessings, priesthood-holders must keep themselves worthy of this divine and sacred power. The purpose of a priesthood blessing is to provide healing, comfort, and counsel to the person seeking it.

It should be noted that though powerful and miraculous healings can occur when priesthood blessings are given, this is not always the case. Members of Church seek medical care when they are sick, and sometimes a priesthood blessing counsels the seeker to do just that. Sometimes a priesthood blessing is given to a person who is dying, and the promptings of the Holy Ghost are that the person should not be healed, but sent on his way with words of comfort. I have given two such blessings to those who shortly passed on.

In either event a priesthood blessing provides comfort and increased faith especially when given by those sharing a special relationship as in father to son.

Waking in the Hospital

October 4, 2010

I've been diagnosed with stage 4 level cancer. Currently, I am in Utah Valley hospital. Tonight I woke and couldn't remember why I was here. Then I recalled that I am dying of cancer. How weird is that?